Wednesday
May022012
Star Wreckin' Across the Universe
May 2, 2012 Cakes, the final frontier.
These are the ravages of the Bakeshop...Wrecksurprise.
Its five tier mission:
To INVENT strange new words,
;)
To SEEK OUT new strife,
;)
and new VICTIMIZATION:
;)
To BOLDLY WRECK as no cake’s been wrecked before!
;)
***
Actually, we see this kind of thing a lot.
Um...
Carry on!
OooOOOOooooh oh oh ohhhh!
Oh oooOOOOOO! oh oh oh oh ohhhhh!
Oh ohhh! Oh oh oh oh oh OH OH, OH!! (etc, etc.)
Thanks to Jessica C., Kynna G., Katie M., Yolanda, & Valerie K. for keeping failing frequencies open, and an extra special, super DUPER thanks to Sharyn, one of our all-time favorite commenters, for providing the brilliant commentary. Take a bow, Sharyn! LL&P!
Reader Comments (69)
I sincerely hope Denise's big and bold 50th is in March, or there is NO excuse for the plastic shamrock & pot-of-gold flotsam scattered amongst the roses.
...
Actually, no. There is NO excuse.
That wedding cake is beyond awful. That picture just stopped me in my tracks and now it's stuck in my mind --- thanks SO much...
Yay Sharyn!!!! No red shirt for you!
This reminds me of a time in college when we were doing Mad Libs. We ended up with "These are the lunchbuckets of the sewage ship Ton…"
That first cake has waaaay more pink icing than should ever be in one place. It's like a pink hole.The Pinky Way. Pepto Cakemol.
Aahhh! I love it! I had to read it in Kirk's voice before I even looked at the cakes, haha! I just started watching the original series of Star Trek on Netflix, so I find this fascinating (Spock voice, there, hehe). Engage--in wreckery!
OOOOOH! I get it, theme music. LOL
"Jen", U ROCH!!!!
:-)
Young people, take it from someone who is 50, big AND bold, herpies are kind of cute - it's herpes you need to watch out for.
Farwell, I need to get the high pitched Star Trek song out of my head.
First comment! Or are y'all behind today?! Congrats to Sharyn! Wa-HOOOO!!!!! I'm a Trekkie & a Wreckie! (Or is that a Trekker & a Wreckker?!)! :-)
PS Are we gonna be all PC & keep phasers on stun or not?! And if Jen's the Captain, is John thoj Spock? Would Sharyn be Uhura? & Haiku Joy as well? Who's gonna play Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, Bones, & Nurse Chapel? Would the Wreckporters be red shirts? We'd definitely be the Away teams, yes?!
Oh, and your cats can be the Tribbles! (Remember, keep them away from the Klingons & DON'T feed them!)
Bwahahaha that was awesome! Thanks Sharyn, you roch!
Cake Wrecks, you guys are so cool,
Oh Cake Wrecks, you're no giant tool.
That first cake is too great to mock,
But still, you guys really roch.
Oh Cake Wrecks, are herpies real bad?
Real herpes can make you feel sad.
So I will bid you farwell now.
Dear big bold, cake wrecks
Ah Ah Ah Aaaahhhhh
Wedding cake monster
enables me to complete
my five tear mission.
~~~
In other news, Mr. Haiku is appalled by my lack of original Star Trek viewing and has decided to sit me down and have me watch every episode, starting with the one with a different captain which apparently never aired.
So I'm going to be chanting this opening a lot!
If we're pulling roles, I want to be the voice of the computer.
Regarding Cake #3: Farwell is a tiny town in West Texas. Their high school mascot used to be the Steers. I had no idea they changed it to the Douchebags!
"U Roch" might be Klingon for "Let's start a war," but my Klingon is a little rusty.
Good work, Sharyn!! I laughed as much at this post as the Jen- or John-authored ones------and that's a lot of laughing!
Classic wrecks, love it :D, and that wedding cake is god awful D:
Set phasers to maximum...
Also, @KarateLady... no more coffee for you today.
;o)
It's cake Jim, but not as we know it! ~Spock
It's worse than that, it's DEAD Jim! ~Bones
There's cakewrecks on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off Jim! ~Uhura
You cannot change the laws of cakewreckers! ~Scotty
Judging by all that "Oooo OOOOOHH" moaning at the end, Captain Kirk is still prowling the universe making alien babes happy!
Even with the "pixel-porn" effect, the couple in that first picture look more "aghast yet resigned" than "surprised", really...
If I were there, I would have reassured them that by their first anniversary, it would be a funny story.
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
LOL! Love the Star Trek theme, way to go Sharyn!
Fascinating. Most illogical.
Maybe they did want Denise to make her "50" big and bold -- to have a fabulous half-century jubilee year? Nah. That would be expecting too much.
@karatelady -- Actually, I was always Spock. My brother was Kirk.
@Haiku Joy -- I'm glad Mr. Haiku is filling in the gap in your education. I think it would have been great if they had an episode where the computer spoke only in haiku.
Look. It's the Klingons.
I'd go to Red Alert now.
Oops. All shields failing.
One of the reasons I knew I was going to love Cake Wrecks (besides the fact I was laughing so hard at the first book I needed CPR) was the "City on the Edge of Forever" reference in that book. Dare you to find it...
Brain and brain! What is brain?-- obligatory Star Trek quote
1. Once again, this is why you don't ask a six-year-old to design your wedding cake.
Or maybe the groom is a brony and the cake is a tribute to Pinkie Pie.What am I saying, bronies don't marry non-fictional human people. Best wishes to both of you, and try not to choke on the doilies.3. I really want to know the story behind this one.
Am I the only person that saw a P and not D on Denise's cake?
#1 Ok, the cake was a bad idea. But going to the trouble of finding a plastic surgeon who does 'pixellation' was over the top, if entirely appropriate. (If I ordered a cake like that, II would want my identity disguised, too.)
#2 How very Germanic.
#3 & 4 What happens when pre-teens order a cake.
#5 What happens when pre-teens decorate a cake.
I'd say something snarky, but I cahn't doo it captain! I dunnah hav tha powerrrr! Sorry, that's the best Scotty impression I've got.
Great job, Sharyn!
Does Anthony have harpies? Well, that's not all bad. Maybe they brought him Phineus' food, thus making it unnecessary for Anthony to eat that cake. Or maybe he's just a Yu-Gi-Oh fan?
Way to go, Sharyn! Perfect prose!
After seeing that first cake, I guess I'm relieved that we just went with a stack of pancakes at the local IHOP instead. o_O
However, the Trek jokes have made me VERY thankful I finished my coffee before coming here, or I'd be washing even MORE laundry than I already am! :-D
I'll be Scotty! I do a great Scottish brogue.
I don't know if this will make the "CW Team" laugh or cry, but here it is:
I was reading the comments after a Yahoo news article about an over-tanned woman who took her young daughter to the tanning salon. All the comments were about the picture of the woman. One read, "She looks like poo with hair and eyes." And I immediately thought to myself, "Oh! I haven't looked at Cake Wrecks yet today."
I'm a little sad that none of today's wrecks look like poo with hair and eyes, but I'm sure there will be one soon.
Wreck on!
If "Roch" is like "loch," then #2 is actually a bribe: If "U Rake" the yard, you get this tasty treat.
I feel sorry for the guy from #1. I couldn't stand to be married to someone who picked a cake like that. Is that a recent picture, or someone's 70s wedding?
OMG my mom started an Epcot! I call Chekov! My mom says my dad will be bones ( I guess that means she's nurse chapel.) oh, and I'll keep her away from coffee, don't you worry...
@Andrea, love it! You've got the part of Scotty!
DIBS ON CHEKOV!!!
Oh, dude, I think I used to date Anthony...
Bravo Sharyn!!
And to the whole CW family :) You really Roch!!
I had the Next Generation theme in my head instead of the Original Series one, and wondered why Jen was suddenly doing the Doctor Who theme at the end.
Elissa--I saw the same article on the tanning lady, read the same comments, and thought the same thing! ;-)
Sharyn--Wonderful debut as part of the CW team! Congrats!
I'm curious about what that strange shaped frame is supposed to be on the back of that first pink monstrosity? And I wonder if this is really what the bride ordered? Yikes!
I guess the Douche bags are being wished safe travels--"farwell", (Too bad cakes don't come with autocorrect like computers do--I had to deliberately make sure the spelling error was kept!)
@Anonymous--no you are NOT. I was thinking it was a good thing "Denise" had an e at the end, or I'd be wondering what kind of guy is insecure enough to order a birthday cake for his penis!
So. Much. Pun.
Nice job, Sharyn!
The first one is another alternate universe Enterprise. You know the one where Cakewreckers rule the universe. Where pastry bags are set to frighten, I mean stun and Gordon Ramsey is Supreme Chef of the fleet.
Can I be Cyrano Jones?
Now I have the Dr. Demento song playing on repeat in my brain. Yikes!
Only going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse!
Five tier? Is that a cake or one of those fancy cat scratchin trees?
Was I the only one who thought of this?
U Roch could be for the University of Rochester. Maybe. Or not. Especially since their usual abbreviation is U of R. So totally not U Roch.
Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor....not a cake maker.....
Non Sequitur....Your Cakes are uncoordinated!
Live Long and Prosper.
I shall do neither. I have made a Cake Wreck and lost my friend.
FONDAAAAAAAAANT!!!!!!!
To Wreck or not to Wreck.......BOOOM!!!!
I think the first cake is a Quinceañera (the big shebang of a 15th birthday party that many Mexican and other Latin American girls celebrate) rather than a wedding cake. This sort of cake is actually quite typical of a Quinceañera cake with the stair cases and the bright colors. I've seen them even bigger and brighter. Quinceañeras can actually be bigger deals (and cost more) than weddings at times.
Mr.Spock, speaking about every wreck obtained through miscommunication and/or stupidity: "It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want." On the same topic he was also heard to say, "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
Also, I'm mildly mortified. I showed my 15yo son that pink monstrosity of a wedding cake, and he thinks it's AWESOME! Not "what an awesome wreck" kind of awesome, just really and truly awesome. Illogical.