In Moderation
March 29, 2011 Each day here on Cake Wrecks, we get literally tens of comments. Some days, if the post is particularly funny (read: offensive) we get even more. And, most of the time, these comments fall into one of several categories. Let's take a look, shall we?
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The Enthusiast:
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!!! I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth, spit coffee all over my keyboard, and peed my pants. BEST. POST. EVAH!!!"
The Informer:
"The design on cake #2 is actually a perfect reproduction of the ficus remidius leaf found in Northern Kentucky between the months of June and August in a little patch of forest near Lake Onomakahatitikaka.
"Nice post, though."
The Optimist:
"At least the writing is pretty! And the balloons don't look like sperm!"
The Storyteller:
"Great post! It reminds me of this trip I took to Prague in 1982 with my cousin's roommate and Charlie Sheen. It was the dead of winter, I had a sombrero and a waffle iron and only four bullets left in my clip, and...well, to make a long story short, I still don't know what happened to that hooker's pet monkey."
Bad commenters
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The Name Builder:
"Mike Johnson thinks this cake is terrible. Mike Johnson can't believe it. Mike Johnson wouldn't eat that cake if someone gave it to Mike Johnson for Mike Johnson's birthday! Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson"
The Newbie:
"Um, I'm pretty sure that's "Epcot" from Disney (you can tell by the Disney font), and I don't see ANY daisies. Plus, what's the deal with those babies sitting on carrots? Looks a bit off, if you ask me."
The Spammer:
"Thank you for the information! Very informative! Free Viagra! Free Nikes! Buy Pharmacy Meds Cheap! Jessica Alba Nude!"
Reader Comments (136)
This post just made my week! I definitely fall into the "threw up in my mouth, peed my pants it was so funny" category. I just wish I was witty enough to make it as hilarious as you did! :D
Keep the laughs coming!
Shouldn't The Informer fall into it's own category of "remarkably annoying and no one cares"?
These cakes? WINNING!!
You left out The Offender. Like so: "I think it is not funny to make fun on newbie commenters, or to call them 'bad' just because they do not belong to the Inner Circle. Everyone should feel welcome, and as it happens, I do not feel that way anymore. Goodbye."
BTW, great post with a fresh angle ;)
I really like the daisies on that last cake.
;)
I think Charlie Sheen already has two women to pet his mon....oh, wait, that's not what you meant?
I don't know about all of you, but I have a sudden urge to email Mike Johnson and get some Viagra (and I'm not even a guy).
You forgot "The Class Clown," (the gal -- or guy -- who desperately tries to show everyone how witty she is in the comments. (Guilty, though I have also been known to occasionally pimp one of my own blog posts -- like http://jtwoo.blogspot.com/2011/03/cutest-baby-video-ever.html" rel="nofollow">this unbelievably cute video of a baby laughing and making a scared face (clearly he must have been riding a carrot) -- in this space.)
Um, I'm pretty sure cake #5 is that Epcot Centroid place from Disney. You know, the golfball building. You can tell by the Disney-like pink color scheme. Also, the sprinkles are obviously supposed to be fairy dust.
Then again, it could be something completely unrelated. That diamond shape could be a poorly drawn flying saucer. Then, since it's on a terrestrial cake, it could be called Spaceship Earth.
The Storyteller is by far my favorite comment! Such creativity and imagination. You're always winning when you throw Charlie Sheen's name in the mix.
great start to my morning, as always! thanks
WV: dessem
Dessem posts really make my day.
Oh, now I'm all comment intimidated! (kidding! I'll bloviate more!) ;^)
It is good for us to laugh at ourselves for a change!
You forgot to include the terminally offended.
I think Craig deserves his own category of commentors. Cause when the posts are good, I keep checking back until he comments.
That dude is funny!
Scrapopotomous,
I totally agree!
john
You know #6 does look like Epcot...you can tell by the font..
The Storyteller cake *better* have a story behind it. You don't get cakes that ugly without *something* worthy of a story going down.
(once again, these photos just make me wonder what heck goes through people's minds to make a cake like that.)
WV: shedn. That storytelling cake is shedn gold junk all over everywhere. (man,that was too easy.)
Oh boy, you forgot The Analyzer. Nothing quite like reading through 12 inches of cake-by-cake self interpretation. This could probably also be called The Ego.
:D
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm here?
Nah, must just be my imagination. ;)
Mike Johnson threw up in Mike Johnson's mouth when Mike Johnson saw all of Mike Johnson's comments used in this post. This reminds Mike Johnson of a story of this one time when Mike Johnson was Charlie Sheen's roomate at bandcamp in Northern Kentucky and Mike Johnson saw Jessica Alba nude except for a single ficus remidus leaf. Good thing Mike Johnson had lots of Viagra, but Mike Johnson's sperm doesn't look like balloons. Then we walked to Epcot in our Nikes. In other words, you forgot to mention the Rehasher and Mike Johnson still doesn't see any daisies. Good post, though.
You also forgot the Conversationalist. @J: You are so right. Glad I'm not like that and so is Mike Johnson. :D
Great. I am now petrified to leave a comment.
I love you.
You guys are awesome...I would fold my blog after the first negative comment, and slink away never to be heard from again. :P I'm very glad you keep them coming! I quite enjoy your take on things :)
VW: ovene
i bakez my cake wrekz in my ovene
I have a nomination!
The Defender:
You guys can say what you want about Gerber daisies/babies and purple fried donuts! Jen/John, we love you and your Spaceship Earth (and we totally knew it was not Epcot even before reading the comments), so don't listen to the haters! (then the cake should be appropriately happy with one eyed smileys or funky peace signs).
I think I belong in this camp of commentors. :)
wv: Pancythe: what a half goat / half man uses to bring in the harvest.
Thanks for adding a little tee hee into my mornings. I wonder if my sister is getting weary of me sending this link location to her every day...? Nah. She's laughing.
So when the blogger runs out of whitty things to say about the cakes, take a whack at the readers. @@
Apparently i'm an enthusiast.
I'm so glad you consider that a 'good' commentor. ;)
I'm going to spend the rest of the day wondering what the sombrero and the monkey were doing to Charlie Sheen.
I'm not sure which one I come under.
But every morning, without fail, you guys make me laugh.
Btw, I think that pink-and-green cake would look great with a picture of Jessica Alba nude (or a pair of Nikes) on it.
So, is Mike Johnson John's porn name? ;-)
Haha I just want to post something now so I will
You forgot the Terminally Confused, which today is me because the Mike Johnson reference has left me bewildered. Don't bother explaining, I'll just come back another day when it's all not so confusing...
I am finally catching on to your daisy comments.
I just can't get going in the morning until I have had my cake wrecks.
I'm almost afraid to comment.
But I feel compelled to correct your geography about that lake, and tell you a very long story about how I know that it's not actually in Northern Kentucky.
And that was a daisy leaf on that one cake. I know, because it looks just like Epcot!
WV: ophot. Like an op-ed, but written by someone who's really steamed (hot under the collar)
The comments in my head are usually Informer-Optimist-Storyteller.
Then, I use my "What Would This Add, And Who Would Be Interested?" filter. Which keeps me from posting 90% of my thoughts. Some credit may also be given to my "Too Lazy To Articulate" filter.
Glad that you're laughing. It beats closing comments on posts.
I am SO stealing the Charlie Sheen comment. I am going to post it every where I can today - just to be original, you see! I love it!
That is such a hilariously accurate portrayal of your daily comments, I was grinning and giggling through the whole thing, when not laughing out loud. Nicely done.
Although, I was kind of looking forward to the person that got offended. "I cannot believe you, of all people, are not sensitive to the dangers faced by the ficus remidius! This endangered plant faces almost certain habitat destruction! I have devoted my whole life to preserving Lake Onomakahatitikaka! How can you call yourself a humor blogger and yet be so callous?" Because I think we can agree that anyone who gets offended about Cake Wrecks is pretty much gonna sound that ridiculous no matter what they're upset about.
I'm trying to decide which one I am.
I'm a little afraid.
I guess I'm a newbie....but I'm methodically reading through old posts trying to catch up. I am all the way through 2008 and 2009 (just stopped at April 2010 to...you know, do some "work" at my "job") and I still don't understand Epcot. Probably because I haven't been reading the comments, just the posts. Guess I better start over...
Cake Wrecks: Come for the ugly cakes, stay for the passive aggression.
There is also the lurker who doesn't usually comment but 'just had to comment this one time because..'
which would be me. -crawls back into hiding- eep.
ps. ♥
Do you get comments requesting more penis cakes? Probably not, considering the abundance of them.
I'm afraid to comment now.
My two faves: The "sine qua non" who feels morally obligated to comment on EVERY cake in the post so that no one will miss being educated; and the "Uber offended" (yes, I know I left off the umlaut) who is NEVER COMING BACK! Buh-bye, we won't miss you.
WV: obreste. "Obreste cake, where art thou?"
I'm Oblivious because you can't possibly be including me in any of these.
wv: Foliten -- and important daily subtance needed for a healthy sense of humor, can be found in cakes, pies, and ice cream
Yet another morning it's good I peed before reading Cake Wrecks. Brilliant as usual!
Sadly accurate D:
Ha! I know someone in all of those categories. (Well, except maybe "the Spammer.")
As it happens, I DO know what happened to that hooker's pet monkey; I'm still just not ready to talk about it. Unless I'm subpoenaed. But what are the odds, since I have no plans to go back to Prague, or even the year 1982?
I just want to know why the name builder cake has pink maggots on it. You cannot convince me that those are sprinkles.
@Neard, thanks for the giggle!
Loved this post, as always. :) Also, I'm always so happy to see that you can laugh about Epcot because, well, I wouldn't have responded as kindly as you have.
Well played, Jen.
Also, I love "we are 95% sure we are going to miss you"! Now I want someone to leave so I can get them that cake.
Andrea
Bwahahahahaha! I am so disgusted at you because you made me P. On. My. Keyboard while I was catching up on my Viagra emails (which by the way is a blue pill [made by Pfizer] that helps with...). Anyway, I don't get why it's funny to poke fun at bakers who are only doing their job the best they can. Aside from the retina-popping hot pink, the roses look nice! Speaking of retina-popping and Epcot, that reminds me of when I read your post about Charlie Sheen and laughed SOOOO hard at the rocket fuel cake! :-)
LOL @ Neard! Good one!
wv: truch: Mike Johnson wouldn't truch these cakes with a 10' pole!