Wrecky Replay - The Apostrophe is Silent
November 3, 2011 (ATTN PARENTS: This post contains material somewhat "adult" in nature.)
Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber.
Amber decided that school was not for her. Fortunately, she had loving and supportive parents.
;)
One day Amber was offered an exciting new job. To celebrate, she added an apostrophe to her name, thinking it would make her seem more sophisticated. Again, her parents were supportive.
Unfortunately, introducing herself as "Amber - the apostrophe is silent" did not yield the results Amber was hoping for. Still, she did make some new friends at work: Cassie the C...er...Cat, and "Long Lips" Lisa.
Of course, every job has its hazards:
;)
Which Lisa and Cassie were always there to commiserate with:
;)
Then one day, after an unfortunate misunderstanding between the girls and a city health inspector looking for "clogged plumbing", disaster:
;)
Amber said goodbye to her newfound - albeit diseased - friends, and despaired over finding another job to suit her rather unique skill set and wardrobe. Fortunately, her ever-supportive parents were way ahead of her:
THE END.
Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters Wendy E., Monique R., Alex H., Michele D., & Amber (no apostrophe) S., and Alexa B.
Pittsburgh tonight at 7pm! WOOHOO!!!
Reader Comments (51)
Either I have very bed deja vou, or this is a repeat. I swear I've seen this one before...
[Editor's note- Yup. While we're on tour, we need to put up a past favorite once a week to give us time to catch up. We're trying to only do reeeally old ones and this one is from May, 2009. Thanks for understanding. -john [thoJ]
Quite a twist for a Disney fairytale: Prince Philip sorry about the herpes after kissing Sleeping Beauty... does the cake and the dancing really make up for that? :P
Replay? why? I was hoping that Amber would have had about 6 carrot jockeys by now, or she would have a cake writting "Congrudulations on your rehab", or Concratulatons on your boob-lips-legs job at the end. As much as I love Amber she must move on and do more wrecky mistakes in her life
That just made my day - now my job seems sooooo much better!
TracyO
Oh my. Was it really necessary for them to put giant lady parts on that last cake? Haha
I've been wondering for some time: How did Amber' 's porn career work out?
I've also been wondering what those tan blobs (festooned with coffee beans and parsley) surrounding the pole dancer cake are supposed to be.
On a more personal note: If I ever get herpes, I hope some one sends me a cake as pretty as the pink and purple princess herpes cake. Yummmm
Ally, this is a repeat. Hence the title "Wrecky Replay." :D
I'm SO tempted to order a Disney Princess "Sorry about your Herpes" cake, just to see the reaction of the cake decorator at Safeway.
So the question is, how is Amber doing in her new career? Has she moved on up to Las Vegas Show girl?
Ah, I love the classics; they never get old. Jen, your ability to weave a story based on hideous cakes is awesome!!! And there is something about that "syphilis blows" whale that gets me every time. Maybe it's the candles? I don't know but it's freakin' hilarious!
Sharyn, if you do it make sure you record it. I want to see that!
I love this one. Thanks for the replay. Sounds like you are having fun on your tour. Welcome back the States. :)
I wonder why they put blobs of hummus on the pole-dancing cake? And a giant fish oil capsule??
So so wrong, SO so funny XD
@SuBee, here's what I think happened to Amber...
Amber now works as a staffer in a prominent Washington Congressman's office. How'd she get there? It started when she got a job dancing at a "Gentlemen's Club" that catered to local political types. One of those guys eventually made it all the way to the House of Representatives in Washington, D.C., and he took Amber with him. She dropped the apostrophe, cut her hair and let it resume its more natural color, popped out her signature amber-colored contacts (her eyes are actually a lovely shade of blue) and started buying her skirts 6 inches longer. She no longer bears any resemblance to Amber'. Her resume lists her earlier careers as "Media Coordinator" -- I guess you have to be *really* coordinated for that particular type of media -- and "Political Polester." People who see the presumed misspelling smile at her naivete, but she actually spelled it that way on purpose, both for the irony, and because that means it's technically accurate, should her past rise up at a later date. (Amber's no dummy...) The most amazing part about this story is she's actually really good at her job. Her specialty? Defusing polarized situations.
Well this just proves what a complete CakeWrecks nerd I am... I immediately recognized this, thought "WTF?" and double clicked the reload button.... must stop procrastinating with CakeWrecks every day!!!
PS: Thanks for visiting Ottawa Jen & John! My kids loved you... well they loved the cupcakes anyways LOL
@Sharyn, that sounds like a lifetime movie in the making-from back alleys to the halls of congress or something like that.
It's an odd coincidence, but the banner ad across the top of the page reads "Get a free Essure* permanent birth control resource kit today." Perhaps Amber the Apostrophe's Silent parents will be encouraged to not repeat their mistake.
However, you have to give them credit for using "your" and "you're" correctly.
On the last picture, are those oysters on the half shell on a cheesecake?
The syphilis cake is Fudgie the Whale! I haven't seen him since I was a kid, and now he's forever associated with an STD. Love it.
YAY!! I love the replay!
Amber must be Pole Dancing for Mardi Gras because it looks like she's surrounded by King Cakes... Although, I don't remember coffee beans and parsley being part of the tradition...
I'm sorry, but I Must say this. I think "Amber' " would have done better in her porn career if she'd chosen to be "Amber with an * ".
This is a post worth replaying! I'm glad to know it gives you both some well-deserved breathing room in your hectic schedule, too. Travel safely!
I think I vaguely remember reading about poor Amber’ ‘s porn career in the International Inquirer one day when I was in a long line at the supermarket. As I recall, while Amber’ was a hard worker, but made little money. She got tired of always bending over backwards to please, only to wind up getting the shaft. There was a particularly nasty incident when another gal, Syphilis, took all Amber’s’ hair extensions and tied them into a knot, rendering them useless (she gave them to her friend, Gordian to untangle). Feeling sorry for Amber’, her friends, Cassie and Lisa, tried to cheer her up and ordered a cake that should have said, “Sorry About Your Hair Piece.” Misconstruing the message, and thinking Syphilis had done this, too, Amber’ ordered her own cake to expose what really went on between Syphilis and the director. The director, angered by this, and fresh from watching too many episodes of “The Apprentice” promptly donned his Donald hat and intoned, via a sheet cake, those famous words, “You’re Fired.” The significance of the cake was not lost on the other actors: a clear message that said, “I don’t take sheet from anyone, I give sheet….” I think it was at this point that Amber’ got the job at a Gentleman’s Club, but the article ended there, so thanks to Sharyn for filling in the rest of the story.
Omg!! This post is SO WRONG!! Bahahahahaha!!
Can you please hire Sharyn as a freelance correspondent? Because her story was just as funny as this post. Love it!
Am I mistaken in thinking those are Hortas watching the pole dancer? O_o
@Sharyn - Brilliant story! It's nice to know what Amber has done with her career since the early days ;) .
@Mindy1 - The Lifetime movie idea is perfect - who would you cast to play Amber?
T-minus 3 days to Chicago-ish and counting! I can't wait to see Jen and John. Woot-woot!
@Sharyn - You seem to know an awful lot about Amber (formerly Amber'.) Is there something you'd like to tell us ? I swear, we'd all respect you, I mean Amber, for turning her life around ;)
@mel -- I love your particular brand of "pun"ditry. (Ironically, I first typed that as "pun"dirty. Where's Sigmund Freud when you need him?)
Wow
Okay collectively, as a couple, marry me. I LOVE you guys!!! Thank you and thank you and thank you some more for your most wonderful website!! This is one of my favorites so far!
That last "pole dance" cake looks like it is decorated with raviolis and diaphragms.
Just sayin'.
Not related, but, My Books Arrived Today! Two of them, Christmas gifts for crazy family members. Though I might just have to "examine" one, you know, to make sure they included all the pages...
:-)
Is that HUMMUS on the pole cake?
Hubby had a friend who spelled his name "Antho3ney - silent 3" - of course everyone started pronouncing it "Anto-three" :-)
ALL possible explanations of those ... mounds ...on the pole dancer cake are horrible. I will never be able to look at a coffee bean again without seeing mini-cockroaches, rabbit droppings and numerous other disgusting items. Fortunately, I didn't like parsley to begin with.
Hahahaha, this is such a fantastic post. What a laugh!
I recognize the 'bearded clams' on the pole cake, but what do the coffee beans represent?
@SuBee -- I would NEVER be involved with that kind of depravity. (I'm referring to Washington politics, of course...)
I teach for a college with a very diverse student body and I have seen all sorts of names and variant spellings. It's quite possible that her name is actually spelled Amber' or the apostrophe is maybe supposed to be an accent mark and her name is pronounced "ahm-bear". Something like that.
The pole dancer mounds... must I spell it out?
Herpetic Mons Pubis, people....
Jen and John,
It was great seeing you in Pittsburgh tonight and I hope the rest of the tour is the greatest for you guys. I love this post and will be telling many people about it.
Maureen
I cannot stop laughing. This post was perfect and even if it is a rerun I love it lol.
I liked the recipe. Thanks for sharing!
[Editor's note- Hi Who! I took the liberty of deleting the links in your spam comment. I can only assume you didn't mean to put them in there. I was very much to be liking of your comment for to be recipes and nike shoes and hot single womens! Sorry about that! -john]
I was always intrigued by the story of Ms. Amber' Thank you Mel, for clarifying what happened there, and great follow-up on your side Sharyn.
Somebody really should make a movie script, so all wreckies can hit the cinema together.
Alright, no way are these are real! Surely, you're creating the cakes to work with your story! I mean, herpes, dropout, and pole dancing cakes???
@pikkewyntjie - That was her real name, to my knowledge. I made the "Amber' Good luck with your porn career" cake very early in my cake decorating career at the local grocery store (and I'm so honored to be featured on CW twice!) When the customers asked me for that, I wrote it out on a piece of paper and said "Like this?" and they confirmed, yes, with a silent apostrophe.
@Jasini I'm extremely proud of my command of the usages of "your" and "you're."
I remembered this post but it was a great replay.
The pole dancer cake should also say, "Sorry about the herpes!" Those mounds of female nether regions are pretty disgusting to say the least.
This post proves that you can celebrate ANYthing with cake! Dropouts, STDs, Pole dancers...Hey! Lets eat cake!
Yum.
the "THINGS" in the last picture are contraband mussels served by a political fundraiser at a posh DC area "gentlemen's" club for Amber's retirement and simultaneous entry into the world of politics. the coffee beans are there to confuse the DEA dogs as the fundraiser was a little confused since he normally snuck drugs into the country, not seafood.
Hot Single Womens!
They have the co@ch, n!ike shoes.
Man, syphillis blows!