Wednesday
Jan202010
I Eat Terror For Breakfast
January 20, 2010 Assuming "terror" is another word for cake, of course.
Which, at least with these cakes, I'm pretty sure it is.
Sure, this may look like a fuzzy potato wearing a Skeletor mask and a literal banana hammock, but I think it's supposed to be a monkey. (Yes, a monkey.) Which kinda makes Shara's Curious George Wreck look positively cuddly by comparison, huh?
Still, it could've been worse. That banana hammock could have been made with these:
Peeling Lucky, punk?Well, I wouldn't advise it; Lucky here has one nasty split personality.
(She gets it from hanging out with a bunch of sour grapes.)
(She gets it from hanging out with a bunch of sour grapes.)
Hey bakers, do you have too many customers? Is the constant stream of business interfering with your "me time"? Tired of making all those cakes? No problem!! Now you can scare those paying customers off with THE FACE OF PURE EVIL™!
"I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.(OH, AND TRY THE ECLAIRS. THEY'RE DELISH.)"
Alice, Baily A., & Liz B., these Wrecks aren't boaring you, are they?
- Related Wreckage: I Call Fowl
Reader Comments (132)
Cake #1 - Are they preserving the rotted corpse of Mr. Peanut?
Cake #2 looks like a banana version of Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
Cake #3 - Put a wig on it and it’s that scene from Saw.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.....-I'm scared now. And imagine the amount of dye on that last...thing....Ehough to make you hurl if you haven't already.
Word veri.-fruneev. Guys, these cakes aren't fruneev....
Is that last one a pig head or horse head? We either have Lord of the Flies or The Godfather movie #1. Either way, EEK!
The banana reminds me of a mix of Mr T and the Chiquita banana cartoon lady.
The boar's head is TERRIFYING!!!!!
Now this is the stuff of recurring nightmares!!
The boar's head looks like the eyes follow you when you look at it carefully.
*SHUDDER*
**DOUBLE SHUDDER**
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh (runs away screaming in utter terror at the pig head cake)
Who would order a pig head cake?? yikes! I mean, what are they celebrating?
The last cake must be part of a series called, "Great Works of Literature in Cake." Perhaps "Lord of the Flies" wasn't the best choice for inclusion.
WV: linsup--Wreckerators don't always ensure that the writing on the cake linsup.
Does anyone else see a dead California Raisin on the first cake?
What's with the green butterfly wings and poo branches on Mr. Well-endowed Potato? The feminine banana I just don't get. (Cross-dresser's birthday cake?)
The last one looks like it came from the meat department. Until I saw the pretty fondant cake to the left. ew. Why would you want to order a pig face? or maybe this is a really small store and there's a little cross-contamination going on in that case....
wv antshe: these cakes are making me so nervous I'm getting antshe.
the boar head cake makes me think of the melting boar in princess mononoke.
What occasion would possibly include a boars head on a radish laden platter? It makes my tummy gurgle at the mere thought.
Have.to.turn.away.
WOW! How clever of the baker to realise that there is a market for dominatrix banana cakes!
That first one kinda looks like a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hollows_in_Bleach" rel="nofollow">Hollow.
Despite it being terrifying, if the last cake could speak I just think it would be enormously camp...
OMG I have been searching high and low for the perfect cake for my "Lord of the Flies" themed party for my 3 year old! You've found it! Bravo!
"And now let's all sing together a traditional english Christmas carol Ahem...
The Boar's head in hand bear I bidect with bays and rosemary!..."
True Story
Ok...my first thought on that banana cake....Michael Jackson....
@duffylou: Like you, I'm baffled by the radishes. WHY RADISHES? Why?!?
Here's a tip to future decorators: cake and radishes -- they don't mix.
I actually kind of like the last cake. Maybe you would serve it at a RenFaire or other medieval-themed dinner? My first thought was the "Boar's Head Carol":
"The boar's head in hand bear I,
"Bedecked with sage and rosemary..."
OOoh, pig's head cake. What a good way to curb the appetite. Unless you have a suckling pig present, you won't have to cater much at THAT party.
Haha it may be disturbing, but the pig head is actually pretty well done!
The last cake is creepy... imagine you see a yummy roasted pig, take a slice of if and it tastes like... wait a minute...CAKE?? What's next, meat pie with sprinkles and buttercream on the outside? :D :D
When I was in a Renaissance music ensemble, we were hired every year to play at a Boar's Head feast. Every year, they brought out the boar's head on a platter and sang a song about the boar's head. Judging by the looks of it, they used the same boar's head every year.
Perhaps I should recommend Baker #3 to them since the ol' boar's head was getting a bit shabby after years of use. At least they could eat it after the feast...
Is it just me, or is the most terrifying part of that first cake the... erm... "tree trunks"? AUGH!
As to that other two? OHDEARLORD MY EYYYYYES!!!
I did not see bananas on the creepy potato-monkey cake.
I saw a yellow foot.
{shudder}
The boar's head cake (#3) is remarkably well-executed, if you can get past the cognitive dissonance of "boar's head" and "cake" describing the same item.
Heh. On the "monkey" cake, I thought the yellow things were feet, not banana bunches, until I read your commentary! (Take a look at the middle one and especially the one in the upper left - looks like it has some gnarly toes and a really big toe nail!) Makes it seem quite surreal. :-)
I'd love to know what the baker was thinking when he/she decided to make a boar's head cake!
two things come to mind:
1. those are definitely poo tree trunks on wreck #1
2. bananas ought never to wear lipsick and mascara. it's just not done.
I think I understand what's going on with that last one. It's for a "Lord of the Flies" themed birthday party. The kid who loses at pin the tail on the donkey gets crushed by a giant rock.
--Beth
A turd in a skeletor mask, a banana with the face of a western movie 'gal' and some strange head. It looks like the red villain (name lost) form the Powerpuff Girls. It might be the cakes form hell, but at least we can make fun of them.
At least the banana cake is pretty carefully done. It took me a while to realize that the tomb-like monkey had his little arms in front of him to hold a bunch of bananas. I thought he was wearing a yellow foot for a necklace.
What exactly do you do to icing to make it look like roasted animal skin? Nevermind. Don't wanna know.
And, and...radishes? Hm. Radishes.
The third cake reminds me of the pig heads I used to see around the holidays, when we'd get a full roasted pig, complete with a head. The only thing missing is the apple in its mouth. So...it kind of made me feel nostalgic. I have to admit, it *does* look pretty realistic.
Granted, a boar's head cake is kind of creepy out of context, but if there was a good context for it, I wouldn't consider it a wreck. Like maybe some pub called Boar's Head ordered it. Then it'd be kind of cool.
I've made some pretty gory cakes that were highly appreciated in their proper contexts (usually RPG sessions).
Now, if it was something where the decorator went with their own random gory design and the situation didn't call for it, then it'd be a wreck.
A cake boar's head would certainly be preferable to the real thing. Every year, at a college where I worked, there was a medeival dinner complete with a frozen boar's head. They got a new one every year, which meant that the old one ended up in all kinds of places - including, one year, FACE UP ON THE TOILET SEAT IN MY APARTMENT. I don't think I've ever screamed that loud. It weighed over 30 lbs and was gigantic. I wish it had been cake, instead of thawing nasty pork.
I'm just guessing here, but that pigs head might actually be really good! In World of Warcraft (10 million players, online game) there is a giant feast that looks a lot like that! It made me think of it right away so, if that's what they were going for, they did a great job!
Oh migration, that last one is really super creepy.
That's always what I pictured the boar's head in "Lord of the Flies" to look like.
Poor little Simon...
hahhahah taylor I thought the same thing!!!! The last one absolutely terrifies me though...
Bad puns! Bad! Bad! I'm going to giggle and my coworkers will notice what I'm doing!
Skeletor is so right on!!!1
cake #3 Wow! Lord of the Flies cake! I wonder what flavor? Liked the book, the cake, well, I'm not sure, it might be growing on me. The supermarket in the town I grew up in had massive pig's heads for sale every harvest suspended in the freezer section, it could be pretty startling, walk around the corner & bang! Rows of huge pigs heads hung & "looking" back at you. Like the poster above, I could see it at a RenFaire, or for your kids birthday if you find them really, really disturbing. As long as it doesn't taste like head cheese, bleh!
After that pig head, the first one aint so bad
You know that monkey is holding the bunch of bananas like how a bride holds her flowers..
The last one reminds me of the mask from the SAW movies. lol
Wow great pig cake there. Perfect for those "Lord of the Flies" themed birthdays all the 10 year old boys are haing these days.
I once fashioned a pig's head out of milk duds and put it on a skewer and brought it to English class. Yeah, that earned me a trip to the Guidance Counselor...
"Kneel before the might of Sutekh!"
I have to say, though, if I were a literature teacher who worked for a school that allowed for twisted humor (instead of the usual "Oh God, oh God this kid drew stick figures kicking each other call the therapists!!!"), that hog head cake would be perfect for our end-of-the-semester Lord of the Flies theme party.
That banana…
…made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gysLH0sCm3c
My apologies to those of you about to lose your sanity.
^..^
WV: sumsetr. That was sumsetr bananas on that scary monkey!