Show Offs
January 12, 2010 Sometimes the things bakeries put in their display windows make you wonder: they do want people to buy their cakes, right?
Poor Thomas. All that pastel and plastic flotsam have turned him into the little engine that could - in a pinch - kill you.
YOU WISH ME TO THROW CREAM PIES? I'M SORRY, DAVE. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT. YOU SEE, I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.If you're not afraid of clowns or robots, though, then this next specimen has you covered.
I can't quite pin it down, but something about this cake really bugs me.Everybody knows nothing draws in the crowds quite like big-time Hollywood celebrities, though. So hey, why not feature Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, and Heath Ledger all in the same cake?
Well, I did say IN.Oh, and if you're wondering what all those brown pellets are, there's a nice big rubber rat on hand to point your thoughts in the right direction. Yummm.
Bakers, just remember: the important thing with display cakes is to show potential customers what you're made of. Show them your raw talent, your years of experience, your impeccable sense of form and style, your...uh...
...your pipe cleaners?Eric D., Monique R., Amy N., Vic., & Jill B., with time and effort you, too, might one day master the pipe cleaner arch.
UPDATE: Hey, would you believe that today is actually HAL 9000's birthday? Finally, my knack for unintentionally posting news-relevant entries results in something good!
- Related Wreckage: Bakery PSA
Reader Comments (104)
OMG! Now that's wrecktastic!
And how about that ballerina, stuck in that quicksand of a cake--right down to the knee. Nice!
Too soon, bakery people, too soon!
I gotta say, upon closer inspection that chickie cake looks to be made of deviled eggs. Eew...
Oh my...nothing says "Happy Birthday" like 2 trains about to hit head on.
I'm curious though what the pink one next to "Tweety" is.
That gravestone cake has got to be the epitome of Bad Taste (pun intended)!
Um, why does the angry Thomas need those brown hair curling rods? Maybe he's angry 'cause he has no hair to curl!
The cemetery cake is just sad,so sad, I think I might cry. OK not really, that feeling's passed.... now I'm just laughing! Tee Hee Hee
I'm guessing that the cake with pipecleaners is a stage-judging from the ballet dancer flotsam. The pipecleaners, then, must be the background.
The cake in Spanish is misspelled it should be Feliz instead of Filiz
Cake #1: Never mind the flotsam, we're one second away from a three-way train wreck!
Cake #2: Oh, no! It's the dreaded Lucha Libre Robot Monkey Clown Cake!
Cake #3: Gets you right here, doesn't it?
Cake #4: No, thanks, I don't want to eat any dead celebrities. The rat can have them.
awww...look at the ballerinas dancing under the pipe cleaner rainbow...
Why didn't the wreckorater at least use a plastic flotsam rainbow?!
Pipe cleaners? Seriously?
I love the orange sad-faces underneath the tombstone cake. Nice touch.
Oh, wait, those are upside-down pumpkins. Never mind.
WV: Lanora. Lenore's younger, happier sister.
I think I'll definitely use pipe cleaners in my next cake. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before.
The tombstones.. really? the lack of respect some people have STILL amazes me.
Thanks for always keeping us entertained! - Tracylea
I don't even know WHERE to begin! So, I'll just comment on that last one:
"I'm sinking . . . I'm sinking . . ." (spoken in the squeaky voice of the Wicked Witch of the West).
WV: toxis. These cakes are toxis to any hope of attracting business!
What was the pipe-cleaner cake maker THINKING?! That's just bizarre!
Wow that cake with the tomb stones was sooo distasteful and the well placed rat was ummm... yea
That graveyard cake is just about the most tasteless thing I've ever seen. I mean, seriously? Someone actually thought, Hey, you know what would be a great tribute cake? Tombstones and Rat crap. People are gonna eat it up.
My four-year-old son was looking at this post with me, and he said of the first cake, "Is that Thomas? Thomas looks so angry! And look, those two little trains are about to smash into each other!" Attention, Wreckerators: If your cake won't even pass the four-year-old test, you should consider another career.
What really bothers me about that last cake is NOT the lack of talent. But rather I don't believe pipe cleaners are food safe, and they've gone and stuck them in cake? Honestly, even if it's only a dummy cake, how could they reproduce the same cake and keep it food safe? AAGGHGHH!
I can't decide whether Thomas is simply angry or pure evil. Really useful engines are rarely trimmed in pink...and what's up with those hairclips on the sides?
The graveyard cake is simply wrong, even without the rat.
Ohmigoodness! That tweety bird's ribbon is bad enough but it looks like it was once blue and someone left it in the car for a summer and it got bleached out!
Poor Tweetie. Successfully escaping countless run-ins with a murderous black and white Putty Tat, only to meet his demise in a dissection tray at the hands of a scalpel-wielding seventh grader.
Pipe cleaners aside, kudos to the wreckorator for featuring an amputee ballerina. There are few people who appreciate how had it is to dance en pointe when one of your legs ends at the knee.
My three year old son saw the first cake and said "Thomas...cake?" with the look of utmost confusion. I think Sir Topham Hat needs to schedule an exorcism.
Andrea in Ohio
That cemetery cake is the weirdest cake I've ever seen.
And is that supposed to be Tweety?
"Hmmm...this cake tastes like it needs more pipe cleaners."
I don't think that's Thomas.
Anyone else read Stephen King? I'm pretty sure that's Blain...and he's coming to kill us all.
You know what really scares me about the "Tweety" cake? Those things in the 'grass' beneath it. Are they pills or jellybeans? And why?
That train can't be Thomas, it has to be Blaine the psychotic pink train from the Dark Tower series. Don't look at it too long or it'll start telling you riddles!
(I'm not sure I can post a link, and if not I'm sorry, but) When you said lactose intolerant, I had just read
http://partiallyclips.com/2010/01/12/perps/
and laughed extra hard.
That rat’s a special touch. Makes me wonder if I could get one of these cakes at Chuck E. Cheese?
wv:catingum-- Until I saw that cake, I thought there was nothing worse than a catingum. Guess I was wrong.
The train cake immediately made me think of the Stephen King Dark Tower Series that I am reading. There is a pink train in volume three of the story called Blaine the Pain, who is the epitome of evil. Now if the Wreckerator was actually creating a tribute cake to Blaine, it might be an interesting first try but I think I'm stretching things a bit...and well...oh nevermind.
Friends, the rat in the graveyard is Ben! You should be able to be able to get that God-awful Michael Jackson song out of your head in about 6 hours.
ohmygawd. there's a ghost image of a man in dark glasses on the ballerina cake!!
oh wait. okay. never mind. it's the photog.
my bad.
heh heh
Its the rubber rat with the beady red eyes that really creeps me out!
By any chance, was Thomas's face drawn on a Communion wafer? I sometimes find myself saying a little prayer for wreckorators, but come on!
"Dear God, Help these lost people find their way... for they know not what they do..."
The cemetery cake...no, no, no!
Sigh* I love this blog to pieces!
I have always been scared of clowns, I think this explains why.
That ballerina is sinking into that cake! Somebody save her!
Nothing could help with the years of therapy it would take to repair Becky's childhood dreams of becoming a ballerina being smashed once she realized it was merely a pipe [cleaner] dream!
OK, so my 4 year old's response to the train one was "What happened to that train?" hahahahaha Upon further staring at it he informed me it's Gordon (I think he's just trying to make sense to save his little mind).
And is tweety bird missing a big chunk out of his side?! WTH people.
Blaine is a pain and thats a fact!
HAHAHAHA that YouTube clip made my day...I'm really tired so that kind of humour suits my mood right now. I'm still snickering like a little kid over that. Brilliant.
And um oh yes, cakes. Caaaaake. Not just flatulent evil supercomputers.
Did I mention HAL will be on my Austin show cake? You're coming on down, right?
Pretty sure, if I were ever foolish enough to try and decorate a cake, the pipe-cleaner creation is almost exactly what I'd come up with.
Of course, I'M not masquerading as a professional... ;)
Nothing says “Party Time!” like a graveyard cake depicting the tombs of recently deceased celebrities. People grieve in strange ways sometimes, but I think anyone who’d make one of these is taking it especially hard. So buyer beware—someone’s been crying into the icing. And as further evidence they’re off their game— the rat's nice, but they forgot the gummy worms.
I wonder if this ever happened to John Lennon?
WV: faquer-- if yesterday's post offended you, say this one out loud and be offended all over again.
@ DonnaM - I think that's supposed to be Barney next to Tweety... and judging from the pile of pills at Tweety's feet - well, let's just say they were having one good time.
As for the pipe cleaners. Um. Wow. Nothing says celebration to me like ballerinas sinking beneath pipe cleaner rainbows.
Child: "mom can I please have the cake with the pipe cleaners, please!"
Mom: "well honey I don't think I could ever manage something like that all on my own so I guess we'll just have to go find a professional that can make one for you!"
That last cake looks like a fancy shopping bag? Bizarre, but fancy.
Mocking
wv nabilizi- A fine nabilizi wine is at every table (next to the cemetary wreck).