Blimey, Somebody Call 999!
September 9, 2009 Stewart C., a self-proclaimed "Wreckie-in-Training, UK Division" has informed me that today is the unofficial Emergency Services Day in the UK, on account of it being 9/9/09. (See, here in the U.S. we dial 911 for an emergency, but in the UK, it's 999.) Now, I know what you're thinking: does that mean there's an official Emergency Services Day? And if so, what day is that on? We may never know.
Regardless, I think that we should celebrate this occasion with our perfectly smashing neighbors across the pond, if only so I can liberally sprinkle what few bits of British slang I know gratuitously throughout. So, with a hi and a ho, and a cheerio, let's go!
Oi! See here, now: This poor sod's not only hit the sleeping policeman of the century, but he was apparently eaten by those dodgy spiders as well. 'Sa right shame, tha' is. The date's quite fitting, though, innit? Pip pip!
Cor! Did you know there's actually a cake kit for car accidents? Straight up. Check it out:
For today, I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake." Just take a gander at the ickle bobby wagon! Bent as a bottle of a chips, is what that is. [nodding earnestly]
And here's how you add a bit of jiggery pokery to a car wreck cake:
Say, where IS the accident? This cake is all fur coat and no knickers, if you know what I'm saying. (What, you don't? Oh. Well, that makes two of us.)
And to really throw a spanner in the works, you could add a little fancy man jibber jabber:
Gaw, that's right cheeky, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick, eh? Bob's your uncle!
Hey Hunter S., Tara T., Tim G., and Michelle B., if Bob's your uncle, then how's your father?
John's Helpful Index For Ruddy Yanks:
Oi!- Hey there!
Poor Sod- A pitiable fellow
Sleeping policeman- Speed bump
Dodgy- Risky, suspicious
'Sa right shame, tha' is- How unfortunate
Cor!- My goodness!
Straight up- True True
Ickle bobby wagon- Small police car
Bent as a bottle of a chips- Crooked
Jiggery pokery- Deception
All fur coat and no knickers- No substance beneath
Spanner- Wrench
Fancy man jibber jabber- Love talk
Gaw- Exclamation
Right Cheeky- Attractively impudent
Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick- Not so bad
Bob's your uncle!- There you have it!
How's your father?- A nudge-nudge wink-wink bit of innuendo
Ruddy Yanks- Americans
Related Wreckage: Transformers Going Down In Flames
Reader Comments (147)
The second cake reminds me of a video game my daughter plays where you earn points by causing the largest accident at an intersection!
i'm gobsmacked at the lot of them.
(i wanted to use "arse" in my comment but just couldn't muster the "cheekiness")
terry lee
Yup, nothing says happy birthday like a car crash.
In the first picture, it looks like he hit a hay bale.
Can you translate please? lol
Wreck Cake #1: The man-eating spiders advanced on their monstrously unstoppable way, consuming every life form in their path. Even a Harley couldn’t outrun the swift, eight-legged dealers of death know as…THE SPIDER SWARM!!!
Wreck Cake #2: Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a roll-over car wreck with multiple injuries that requires the help of every early responder in the county.
Wreck Cake #3: The slugs! The slugs!
Wreck Cake #4:
“I love you,
A fire truck and a wreck;
A fire truck and a wreck and a collar ‘round your neck,
Collar ‘round your neck and couple broken arms!
Couple broken arms and you’re stuck in ICU,
I love yooou! Yes, I love you!”
^..^
with the 1st cake, what's w/ 8-8-08? i thought it was 9-9-09... so how is 8-8-08 appropriate? (i understand TODAY is 9/9/09 & it wouldn't be possible to post a cake that wasn't even created till today... but still...)
I laughed so hard at all of the slang! Could there possible be a more drab looking cake than #2? Blah.
So what you are trying to say is that they drive on the wrong side of the road in England?
Love the cakes and British slang, even though I understood very little of what you said. :)
Look what those tosspots have gone and done.
British slang FTW!
Bolly! Human tragedy? What could possibly be more suitable for cake?
I found your usage of British slang particularly amusing during this post.
-Emily
I'm British...and I still don't understand what you were trying to say.... :-P
Dick Van Dyke just called: he'd like his idiom back!
(Nice attempt at using Brit-slang - your next challenge is to master Scots. Your site is pure dead brilliant, btw)
Cor i loved your slang, very mixed lots of Northern and Southern slang mixed up just like some of the cake wrecks you've posted. Nah i'm orf down the rub a dub dub, for a few britneys and a sing round the auld jonah.
I'm English and even i struggled with that lol!!
LOL at your Britishisms!!!
And what interesting cakes...
;)
Ellen
These cakes take the "wrecks" in Cake Wrecks to a whole new level.
buh dum bump
YAY!
Happy Emergency Services Day!
And I'm impressed you managed to fit in quite a lot of British Slang in there.
for the record:
International Firefighter's Day : 4th May
but I can't find an actual Emergency Services Day.
Stewart C
Wreckie UK devision (I feel now I have got on the site I can say I have passed my training!)
Urm nice try sweetie, but I'm from dear old blighty and I have no idea what on earth you were talking about. I think I would like a translation too please;0}
@Wide Awake Wife...
Burnout! That's what I thought when I saw today's car wreck cake wrecks too! I love those games.
My eight-year-old son would just love an "accident laden" cake! It would be right up his alley. So stop your "whinging" about it all and let the boy eat cake!
wow! in that first cake, is that a bridge?
Er, you do realise that your last sentance is asking for sex, right?
From
a confused Brit.
"I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake.""
eeewww. Having been to England, i can firmly say that bangers and cake DO NOT mix. *shudder*
wv - nodstryo - "nice try though" when you have a bad cold.
Love the new template - blog is loading REALLY SLOW for me, like it takes 2-3 minutes? Should that happen?
BAAAHAAAAHAAAA!
Jen, you rock! I'm almost peeing my pants over here. And really, thats why I visit Cake Wrecks every day. For a good old fashioned pants peeing.
Krista
If you want to go all British with these cakes you should know that the roads have lanes that are too wide to be properly from England.
...and one bit of slang (one of my favorites) that you missed: tinkle, which translates loosely as 'call'. As in "You need a taxi? Give me a moment and I'll give them a tinkle."
That would be "sod", not "sot". Also, I prefer "Bent as a nine bob note" =D Yer English ain't 'alf bad!
Seems that an Emergency Services Day for the US got hijacked by a bigger event.
Too soon?
Anon @ 10:23,
Actually, all the indications we have say it's coming up faster for most folks. It is peak traffic right now though and it is Blogger.
Thanks for heads up though. I'll look into it.
Asthehind,
Is that what that means?
;)
john
"bobby wagon"? What films have you been watching?!
Incidentally, anything at all uttered by Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven is about as far removed from British slang as you can get. He's the least convincing pretend Brit since Dick Van Dyke.
Love the English accent...well written so one could follow! I almost felt I could hear you talking...
Cor, what a cracking read :D
I have no bleedin' idea what most of your slang means (only recognizing some from Austin Powers movies and other bits of pop culture, never having been there myself), but I love it!
I laughed particularly hard at the "jiggery pokery" bit, which brought out my Harry Potter nerd-dom... it's what Harry used to threaten Dudley as a spell in Order of the Phoenix (I think). Couldn't help myself :)
Not sure if I laughed harder before or after I knew what it all meant!!!
Bloody brilliant...Ahhhh, my mornin' tea and crumpets, cake wreaks that is...great way to start the day, a giggle and a brit lesson. Carry on!
"Throw a spanner in the works" is British? Huh. Maybe the Internet is making it more common to Americans.
All fur coat and no knickers has two meanings - either it's someone/something who appears classy or expensive but isn't really, or its someone who spends money on fripperies rather than substantial things (like buying shoes instead of groceries - you'd have a nice fur coat, but your knickers would be knackered).
Hahaha. I am incapable of commenting on the cakes, which I'll admit received only brief glances from me today, because I was so distracted by the dialogue. I love it!
Hilarious post today! And hideous cakes...I don't know how to say that in British. The best I could do is horrible, but, you know, without the H.
A little disturbing that anyone would want a crash cake.
Hey, who's that other Keeley that's posting? I was gobsmacked to see her name there--who's she when she's at home?
I'm in love with brit slang, can't you tell? But these cakes, not so much.
Jen, have you been watching the Andy Griffith show lately? Andy's English Valet is one of my kids favorites. :)
Gwen
I dub the 2nd cake "The Cake-Wreck." I think it's more than appropriate.
Gordon Bennett! You missed a nice opportunity for one of my favorite bits of British terminology. Rather than "speed bump," you could have said: "This poor sod's not only hit the sleeping policeman of the century..."
John -
Oh yes. To have a 'little bit of how's your father' means to have sex. It's an older phrase that's most common in comedies like the Carry On films, but it still keeps its meaning!
"All fur coat and no knickers"....FTW!
Thank you Jen & John, I have a new phrase to add to my lexicon. I'll be the only person in South Dakota using the word 'knickers' in a phrase.
Methinks John would love you to greet him after a long day wearing a fur coat and no knickers!
WV: proluork - I visit this site daily but don't post much. I guess that makes me a proluork-er.
Put up some wrecktastic puddings and Bob's Your Uncle!
I once had a book about Spanish slang, and they said "To over-use is to sound really silly so use as you do in English--so it sounds natural."
That being said, this post was hilarious. XD
Talk about your literal wrecks! Mmm, nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a re-enactment of "Red Asphalt".