Hanukkah Blues

Usually around this time of year someone always says to me, "Hey, you can't do that here!"

So then I put my pants back on and take my carton of eggnog back home, where I find people asking why I haven't posted any Hanukkah cakes yet.

The reasons are simple, my dear wreckies: Firstly, bakers don't make many Chanukah cakes to begin with. And secondly, see reason number one.

But really, who can blame them? Do you KNOW how hard it is to spell Hannukah? I mean, correctly?

 

IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

And then there are those mind-bendingly complicated Stars of David. They have six points, you guys. SIX! Pre-school did not prepare us for these kinds of manual dexterity challenges, ok? It's not like you can just draw a regular five-pointed star and then stick an extra point on it!

(Oh, wait, you can?)

 (My bad.)

Well you can rest easy, my dear Chanooka celebrants, knowing you'll always have the classic, elegant option of a blue-and-white-snowflake cake for your festivities:

Or a frozen sanitary pad with wings. 

Thanks to Ali A., Elizabeth C., & Jamie for helping put the "huh?" back in Hannukhuh.

*****

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This Is Halloween. (No, Really.)

Greetings, bakers! This handy guide will demonstrate how easy it is to turn your bakery's plain stock cakes into fabulously frightening Halloween designs.

Ready?

Then let's get started!

First, nothing says "Halloween!" like a sprinkling of candy corn:

So easy, the deli guy can do it!

Or, October is the perfect month to stretch your product's shelf life. When the icing cracks and the colors fade, just add a spiderweb!

See? Now you meant to do that!

And why not take this opportunity to "customize" your scones?

"That'll be $1.20 extra for our 'tomb scone specials.'"

Or, since studies* have shown that customers prefer plastic over pastry nearly 37 to 1, far better to reach for your trusty Flotsam Bugs®!

* We asked our marketing team.

Suddenly, Stanley felt the tide of power turning...

Flotsam Bugs® are grrreat for turning any design into a Halloween one. Can your bakers only make roses? Nooo problem. Just add a Flotsam Bug®, and poof!

Now that's one scary Halloween flower!

Or, how about turning a birthday present into a Halloween birthday present?

Spine-chilling, isn't it?

But let's say you have character cakes already decorated with an assortment of flotsam. What then?

Why, just pipe a few ghosts on, silly!

Hm? What's that? How do you pipe ghosts?

Uh...

Ever see a cactus?

 Perfect!

And finally, what about all those doggy cupcakes you're required to pump out by the pound? Well, a little Flotsam will soon have you seeing eye-to-eye with your customers!

[chortle]

Or, if you want to go the extra mile, give Patches some patches!

Good dog that's awful.

I mean, uh, look how cute!

And remember, bakers, once Halloween is over it's easy to convert your cakes back, too:

"Aw, Suzy, don't cry! It's just a sweet little kitty cat! See? He's smiling at you!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Katrina S., Kristin S., Holly Q., Emily A., Sara F., Megan G., Jess & Connor W., Bettie P., Stacey K., & Kristen, who know that a party hat makes everything better.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.