The Wreckorator's "Bored Book"

From the people who would have liked to have brought you the Star Trek Book of Opposites and Be Bold With Bananas (but didn't) comes:

The Official Wreckerator "Bored Book!"

This delightful picture book will teach budding wreckerators all the letters and words they need to know, all using illustrations only a true wreckerator will recognize!

Take a look at some of these exciting excerpts:

A is for "Apple Tree"

B is for "Break time!"

C is for "Catcher's mitt"

See also: "Caca," "Cry," and "Constipated."

T is for "Tasteful"

I is for "I scream and I sing for ice cream and icing!!"

Also: ineptitude

M is for "Martini"

N is for "No, really, that's supposed to be a frickin' martini glass."

P is for "Patriotism"

(And H is for "headdesk.")

F is for "Fixed it!"

Oh, you.

S is for "Stop."

Just...stop.

Thanks to Chelsea P., Lynn J., Maureen, Bonita H., Jason A., Stephanie M., Chantene Z., Melinda A., & Deanna C. for the education. And to the rest of you: I look forward to your letters.

Update:  Comments are still a little broken.  We're working on it.  Sorry about that.

Triple Whammy

"Hi there! I'd like to order three cakes for a joint birthday party, please. I'd like the first one to read, 'We're turning fifty!'"

"Hm... I'm not sure all that will fit. Is it ok if I shorten it a little?"

"Sure, whatever you think will work."

"Excellent. And what would you like on the other two?"

"Well, one of the birthday girls is also retiring, so I'd like the second cake to say 'Congratulations Dorothy' in gold icing."

"We don't have gold icing. We have yellow. Light yellow, dark yellow, yellow that's nice with cheese..."

"Oh. Well, that's ok! Then just write 'Congratulations Dorothy' and get as close to gold as possible."

"Nooo problem. And what would you like on the last cake?"

"Ah, that one's for Joe. Could you, aheh...could you draw the Playboy bunny on his cake?"

"The what?"

"The Playboy bunny."

"The bunny?"

"YES. THE BUNNY."

"Oh. Ok. Sure, I can do that."

[LATER]

BAM!

POW!

KER-BLOOIE!!

 (Scout's honor, guys: they tell me they really did ask for the Playboy bunny.)

Thanks to wreckporter Rachel V., Gwendolyn J., & Melena S., who knew we shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque.