A Day In The Life

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

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1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

"Mrow?"

1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.

"Mruh Mroh."

2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"

Jen:

Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.

3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.

5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."

Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.

7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"

7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos

8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm - Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm - Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.

Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"

10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.

Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)

12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.

*snorfle*

2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.

(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)

3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:

"Why? WHY?!?"

4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."

I think it's going to be another long night.

Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!

Hats Off For Hats

Tomorrow is National Hat Day.

I'll pause here to allow you time to grasp the magnitude of that statement.

[grasping magnitude]

Now, as every red-blooded, hot-dog-eating, slightly-balding American knows, nothing is more important to our national identity than the hat. From the traditional baseball cap...

Fun fact: Baseballs were originally square. Look it up.

...to the sexy fedora...

Sex Y.

Ahem.

I said, "the sexy fedora."

There it is.

Now, where was I?

Oh, right.

Hats are a regular part of our lives. As such, we should cherish this regularity...

...ten gallons at a time.

Hats are also a great way to celebrate certain festive occasions.

Like volcano eruptions:

Or massive, unexplained squid migrations:

Or even just winning a race by a hare:

So today, let's use our heads.

And, of course, stay safe out there...

...no matter how hard that may be.

Hey Mary R., Ellen B., Tonya M., Bridget E., Lindsey, ML, Erin G., Lindsey M., and Jo., no lie: it took me three months to realize that thing is supposed to be a hard hat.