Another Open Apology To Canada

So last week we had this troll in the comment section who wouldn't go away, forcing me to actually block someone for the first time ever.

(For those who don't know: a "troll" is someone who leaves inflammatory comments just to get a rise out of people. Things like, "Hitler rocked!" or "Grammer is stoopid" or "That poo pile looks scrumptious!")

NOT SCRUMPTIOUS.

So anyway, while I was in the process of blocking the troll, I kinda sorta accidentally blocked most of Canada.

The country.

Bwoops. 

In this context "shool" is Canada. Try to keep up.

Fortunately I noticed my mistake right away... a couple of days later.

But all is fixed now and I feel terrible about it so today's post is for you, Canada. Because we love you. And we love beaver tails. And poutine. And learning that pronouncing "poutine" like "poo-TAN" can get you in a lot of trouble. ("Excuse me, do you know where I can get some fresh poo-tan? Miss? What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's the pepper spray foOWWWAAUUUGGHHH!!")

(Really, Canada, whoever named your signature foods had their minds seriously close to the gutter.)

Now, where were we?

Oh, right: apologizing.

HIT IT, NON-EXISTENT BOYS!

[tapping mike]
[queuing up a sultry beat]
[giving thumbs up to well-dressed backup singers]
[clearing luscious Barry White voice]

Ooooohoohoo!
Canada, baaaaby...
I'm sorry, girl...

Well-dressed back up singers: "Heeeeee's reallyreallysorry SHOOP SHOOP!"

I'm sorry for, like, taking away your Cake Wrecks for two full days, baby.

"Neeeearly forty-eight hours SHOOP SHOOP!"

I know I work on a computer all day, girl, but sometimes even an expert can make a mistake.

"Heeeee's an expert in cat .gifs SHOOP SHOOP!"

But I know you put your trust in me, girl, and I know I can't give you all those hours back.

"Yooooouuu pro'ly got lots of work done SHOOP SHOOP!"

But if you give me another chance, Canada, girl, I promise I will wreck your world. Yeah. 'Cuz, Canada, baby?

(You may think it's a lie, but it's not.)

Thanks to Ted S., Allison S., Michelle M., Sara B., Ree P., Anony M., & Whitney B. for backing me up on this one. That synchronized snapping was STELLAR, you guys.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Picture Perfect

The Good: You hired a fabulous wedding photographer.

The Bad: Not so much with the baker.

The Ugly:

This has to be the most beautiful photo of a Wreck I've ever seen. The fact that the photographer submitted it - along with tales of watching the baker catch the toppling cake with her bare, unwashed hands before serving it - only adds to the beauty. 

And really, what's a photographer tasked with making a wedding Wreck look good supposed to do? Well, after careful study, I've come up with a few options.

Option 1: Try an action shot in the background.

"Ok, bride, groom? You two stand behind the cake here. Now...reach for that wineglass!"

"Hmm, not quite enough action. Bride's dad? How about a running tackle?"

Option 2: Flowers

"We're gonna need another bunch for the middle tier, stat."

Option 3: Blend it with a busy background.

"Cake? What cake?"

Option 4: More flowers.

No, seriously. MORE FLOWERS.

Perfect.

You: But, Jen, those cakes look great!

Me: Exactly.

Option 5: When all else fails... PhotoShop

Take that Wreck from this...

...to this!

The irony, of course, is they'll pay more for the retouched photo than they did for the cake.

Oh, and to whoever starts a cake photo retouching service after reading this post: I want my cut.

Thanks to Wreckporters D Tyler Photography., Tiffany A., Jen A., Wendy T., Andrew Jordan Photography, Jennifer J., Jacq, Random, & Rebecca Z.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: