A Lesson in Proper Penmanship

Today, class, we're going to review the art of cake inscriptions, as well as some problem-solving techniques that will come in handy while on the job. Now remember: the hand-written message is the crowning jewel of every cake, and should showcase not only your skill, but also how much you care.

Take this one, for example:

Lovely, Dana K., lovely. There's no question that Ben felt special upon seeing this. Oh, and class, see how she filled in that awkward blank area with a mass of ribbon? That's called "thinking on your feet." There's no sense in wasting edible decor when you can simply reuse gift wrap you have on hand.

Andy B., pop quiz: What do you do when you run out of icing mid-inscription? Do you make more, or simply switch colors and hope no ones notices?

Haha, that's correct! Remember, class: Many children are colorblind. And the ones that aren't are generally too buzzed on sugar and caffeine to notice petty things like spacing, spelling, or sperm-like balloons.

Now, Erin S., say you have a small cake that someone wants you to write a message on, but you've also been wanting to try out the new 'blob' flower technique you saw on Careless Cakes. Which gets priority: the message, or the blobs?

Also correct! You see, class, this is why it's important to fill the entire cake with your design; so the message you write on top of it is uniformly difficult to read. As an added bonus, it's much harder for the client to spot any misspellings this way.

And lastly, Bethany T. is going to show us two things every baker should make more use of: plastic picks and abbreviations.

Wow, Bethany; I think that "BS" stands for "Beautifully Scripted!" I like how the color almost matches the birthday pick, too, but is off just enough to clash spectacularly - that took a lot of talent, I know.

[bell ringing] Well, that's all we have time for today, class. Remember to practice those blobs for next week's "Plop-a-Flower" review!

An Indecent Proposal

Wrecks reader Mark B. decided to propose to his girlfriend while they were on a Caribbean cruise last August. Like all good guys, he wanted to do it in a way that was both memorable and a little unique. So, after much thought, he decided to use a cake. (Told you he was a good guy.) With that settled, all that was left to do was choose the perfect words to form his request.

Well, the night before he planned to propose arrived, and Mark still hadn't decided on an inscription. As he and his girlfriend went for a walk on the beach, though, they came across the very inspiration he'd been looking for. There, written in the sand, illuminated by moonlight, was the word "dork".

Ok, so that might not seem like the most romantic of inspirations to you or me, but for Mark it was "a sign". He tells me his girlfriend was always calling him a dork at the time (with much affection, I'm sure), and so standing there that night, he knew exactly what his proposal cake should say.

Now, let's set the scene:

The meal is over, the dessert orders have been given, and Mark is sitting on pins and needles, awaiting the arrival of his proposal cake. The waiter approaches and, with a smile at Mark, places a covered tray before his unsuspecting girlfriend. Then, with a flick of the wrist, the waiter removes the lid to reveal....

this.

Huh.

Well, on the bright side, Mark, this IS quite memorable. In an incomprehensible, what-exactly-did-the-baker-think-s/he-was-writing? kind of way. Still, here's hoping your lovely lady had "many" reasons to agree to "marry" the dork in question. ;)