Confectionary Compensating

Men, we need to talk.

Ladies, if you could just give us a minute? Thanks.

[tapping foot while 99.6% of readership leaves the room]

[whispering] Right, then. Listen, guys. I know some of you might be "concerned" that your bride-to-be has had wedding cake in the past. And yes, she probably has!

Hey, some girls have had lots of wedding cake.

And sure, ok, maybe they were fairly large cakes.

Maybe they were even huge cakes.

But that doesn't mean she won't be satisfied with a perfectly average-sized cake!

(Ok, you can't see her face - but I'm sure she's thrilled.)

So even if your wedding cake seems a bit small and overgrown...

Or perhaps leans to the right...

Or even has a little trouble staying upright...

...the important thing is to remember that your bride loves you, no matter what. The cakes of the past are the cakes of the past! No matter how massive and sweeping and awe-inspiring they may have been.

Er...

And if all else fails, you can always buy a Ferrari.

Thanks to Kimber M., Anony M., Julia H., Tessa D., Adrienne H., Jamie, Rachel O., and Anony M., who can come back in now.

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HaiCakes!

Sometimes I find a wreck or two that makes me feel all poetical and stuff.

These...[dramatic pause]... are those wrecks.

Barren winter tree

on a giant bare cookie.
Woo. Celebration.

Circle of sprinkles

instead of decorations
because it's break time.

A fish in the sky.

She turned me into a newt!
But...I got better.

Packing foam peanuts,
A big shiny pile of...wait.
Is that Tiana?

Blue, orange, yellow.
A cheerful makeover for
the eye of Sauron.

And now, let's hear a piece from the king of beat poetry himself:

(via wimp)

Spot on, Data. Spot. On.

Thanks to Ellen B., Rachel W., Jodee R., Meg G., & Lizzie B. who also have hedonistic predilections for demonstrations of affection, but we don't talk about that.

Note from john: Today's comment board kerfuffle shall be titled: Orange: One syllable or two?