Flying the Hungry Skies

"Excuse me, Ma'am, is this your cake?"

"Um...yes?"

"Well, I'm going to have to confiscate it."

"What? Why?"

"This so-called 'frosting' is clearly a 'gel' and therefore threatens national security. Move along.

"But, but..."

"NEXT.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah. Sir, I'm going to have to take that delicious-looking...er...I mean, that dangerous looking Santa cake.

"It looks suspicious."

"But food is allowed through security!"

"Yes, but this obviously isn't 'food.' It's some kind of weapon. And I'm hungry.

"Oh, did I say that last bit out loud? Haha, silly me. NEXT.

[munching] "So, what have we here?"

"Just a little gift for the family back home."

"I'm sorry, but there's no way for me to know that's really a cake and not some kind of zombie snowman capable of terrorizing your fellow passengers. I'll have to take it off your hands."

"No, look! I can take a bite! See? Yummy cake!"

"Nice try, terrorist. Now we'll have to extract that. Sergeant? Take him away. (But leave the cake.) NEXT.

"No, no, I'm sorry, animals aren't allowed."

"It's a reindeer CAKE."

"We can't be too careful.

"Hold up there, Miss. Do you have a permit R2D2C3PO for that item?"

"There's no such thing!"

"Of course there is, Miss, and I'm the official gingerbread cake confiscator." [flashing badge]

"Did you...did you just flash a Subway rewards card at me?"

"No."

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't. Gimmie the cake."

"So I guess you'll be taking my cake, too, then?"

"Nope, that one looks perfectly harmless. Have a nice flight!"

Thanks to Mark & CJ, Naureen, Kelly D., Brooke F., Kittie L., Sandy K., and the TSA, who really have started confiscating cupcakes because the frosting is a "gel." Enjoy those flights, everyone.

Watch Your Back, Frosty

The rest of the story is overrated. These seasonal snippets will do.

In a twist of festive irony, Santa later shot his own eye out.

Naturally, all Ralph Lauren cookie covers had to undergo a little "retouching."

Donner blamed Dasher, and Dasher blamed Vixen, but one thing was certain: they would never use the phrase "flipping his lid" again without wincing.

Their escape depended on luck, daring, and the fact that their snowy jailors had no arms.

To be fair, the woman never specified which part of the word to replace with an X.

So he bided his time, knowing someday, somehow, that smug self-satisfied snowman would pay.

Thanks to Kelly W., Matthew Z., Kimberly & Courtney, Joey T., Susan H., & Ann H. for showing us the Far Side of Christmas.