Christmas Blues
December 21, 2016 I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one.
It goes like this:
I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:
;)
I'll hear it.
And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."
Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:
;)
It IS that song.
They're playing Christmas Shoes.
;)
So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:
;)
I start listening, in spite of myself.
And ninety seconds later:
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[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"
And my mascara's running everywhere...
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And the cashier is like:
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And all the other customers are like:
;)
And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:
;)
And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.
Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S., Marissa C., Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.
And just in case you've never had the pleasure, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
*****
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Reader Comments (68)
I figured out why I loath that song so much. It's because it's not actually about the little boy at all. No, it's about the protagonist, patting himself on the back for his good deed. Basically, the song is one big humblebrag.
I've never heard the song but your shopping story was so beautifully illustrated in cake I may cry anyway!
I, too, HATE that song. Basically, I hate it because it was obviously written with the intent to make people cry, and I hate being manipulated. If it were a true story, it might be different, but it's not. So there. And I don't have a black soul.
By the way, I hadn't heard that song nor even though about it this season. So thanks for that. :-)
Hi and Merry Christmas to you and John!! Just seeing this post today and had a related Christmas song story to share. Two weeks ago I was in a Hallmark store shopping for Christmas cards and gift ornaments. All of a sudden their music system started playing the Christmas Canon from Transiberian Orchestra and by the time the children's choir started singing I was crying, and I tried to explain to some concerned folks that this song always makes me so emotional. If you ever get an opportunity to see their Christmas show in person, they are outstanding!! Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories - I am a big EpBot fan of yours as well!! Hugs, Ginger in Folsom, CA.
I have still never heard this song. Good thing, too. It looks like Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey” with an extra layer of Christmas added.
"Christmas Shoes," or as I call it, "The Shoe Song" is a perennially hated song for me. It makes me irrationally angry and I didn't know why, so I sat down and really listened to the song. I figured it out: The kid is shopping alone in a store, this gives us two possible scenarios, either the kid is old enough to go by himself (let's say 10-ish at least), or he is not old enough and someone wasn't watching him properly. If he's old enough to go by himself, then he knows how to count money, and the whole thing about not knowing how much money he has to pay for the shoes is a ruse and the kid is a con artist, getting people to pay for stuff for him. If he's not old enough to go by himself, then either the area the kid lives in has a lot of adults with questionable senses of responsibility (since any sane person seeing a child too young to count money by himself unaccompanied in a store would call security or the police and have him watched after or taken home), or he's being used as bait in someone else's con.
So we have three possibilities, two of which are that this is a con, and the last one being that the kid is neglected and possibly abused. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, I hate that song.
The last Elmo cake:The "Me after seeing 'The Champ'."
The cupcakes:The "Customers at Walmart".
The yellow cake:The "Mascara Massacre".
The CM cake:The "Cookie Monstrosity".
The spider-thing mutant:The "Chernobyl Accident".
The surprised CM cake:The "When someone farts in a stuck,crowded elevator".4
The Ladybug cake:The "When your boss buys you underwear for no reason".
Well now after that song I am going to play New Kids Got Run Over by a Reindeer until I stop hearing that tune lol. Then I will drive my hubby mad with this one bwhahahahaa.
I hate having my lacrimal glands manipulated by over-sentimental claptrap! (The bad claptrap -- not the good kind that sits in the corner of your game room.)
I'm going to have to listen to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer to clear my palate.
You people are HARSH!!! Wow!
hyphen8, I loved that Channukah (Hanukkah, Hannukkah, Hanuka, you get the point, even if my spellchecker doesn't) song. Made me smile.
Merry Christmas, Chappy Chanukkah, Blessed Kwanzaa to you all, and to all a good night.
Guys,we can ALL say that the red cupcakes are your co workers when you come to work in a tacky outfit....
....Its true....
@Megan Er if the kid is a con artist then the con would only work ONCE! Why? Because he's paying in PENNIES!!! If he were a true con that coin case would have a variety of coins including nickles, dimes, etc. He was also counting them for a LONG time, so there must've been several dollars worth there!
According to every cop and news story ever scammers and con artists NEVER show money, why? It cuts into profits duh! Scammer rule number one is to never show cash, especially not pennies (too much effort), if that was a true scam by a street urchin he'd be using either dollar bills or quarters which are much easier to use or counterfeit, he didn't, he used pennies and only pennies which A)would take way too much effort to collect and count (scammers and con artists want maximum profit with minimal effort after all) and B) Are ridiculous to counterfeit.
So the theory that this kid is a scammer or con artist is absolutely ridiculous because if he was he'd be the worst con artist or scammer in the history of ever for using a scam that only works ONCE (in front of WAY too many witnesses to boot. Not just the guy paying for the shoes but the cashier and whoever else was in the store too).
The theory that he's the victim of neglectful (albeit most likely homeless due to the medical bills) parents IS plausible though.
Note to Jenny M: I thought so too, and it looks like you're correct.
According to Wikipedia and IMDB, the song came first in 2000 (NewSong), followed by the Donna VanLiere novelization, which inspired the Rob Lowe TV movie. So the song is just the gift that keeps on giving... :p
Forget the song. Honey Baked Ham has an outlet store?
Am I the only one who thought that the green monster cake, decorated with the real cookie, was actually cute? It's expression looks like it got caught shoving'n a midnight snack, LOL...
(Checking out the website, page by page, and really enjoy both the beautiful cakes shared along with the, ugh, well... rest of them. Also appreciate the website creator's sense of humor and clever comments.)
Oh good, I am SO GLAD I'm not the only one who hates that song! When I first heard it, I was like, "meh. Not my thing." And then I started hearing it on the radio over and over and over and over and over again, and it got to the point where I was like, "Seriously, if I hear this song just once more, just ONCE MORE, I'm gonna scream." When the song came over the radio in the car one day, well . . . . . "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" I don't think my parents expected that reaction (mainly because I never told them I was going to scream if I heard that sone just one more time). My family isn't too crazy about it, either. Less sappy, more Drifters "White Christmas," please.
I didn't realize there were so many heartless adults out there. And your children sound lovely (not). Must be a reflection of their parents.