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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan012016

The 8 Cruelest Cakes To Serve Someone With A Hangover

And now, in keeping with our yearly Cake Wrecks tradition:

The 8 Cruelest Cakes To Serve Someone With A Hangover

(Best accompanied with cymbal crashes, gum-snapping, and LOTS of cheerful whistling.)

 

1) This boil-covered Bundt cake:

Don't prepare them or anything. Just slap a slice of that shiny sucker down on your favorite china plate, and stand back.

 

2) Fake Fish N' Chips with lumpy mashed... peas?

 

3) What I hope is fake fish on real cake:

You must admit, they really nailed that decaying, desiccated look.

Which is a skill set you don't get too often in bakeries...

 

4) The most realistic edible sunburn I've ever seen:

Seriously, I've been saving this one up for you guys. Don't you just want to rub some Aloe Vera on it?

 

5) The Dribble Which Must Not Be Named:

No, no, don't tell us what it is. PLEASE.

 

6) Cupcakes with REAL tortilla chips jammed under all the icing:

The chips are there in case the whole "vomit on a plate" aesthetic doesn't already do you in.

 

7) An Edible Ashtray:

Do you think they add liquid smoke to the cake batter? Because that would be kinda genius, in a really disgusting sort of way.

 

And finally, if all else fails, there's always the new trend over in Japan:

8) Raw. Meat. Cakes:

One more:

And just like that, your hung over friend/enemy is well on his/her way to recovery!

 

Thanks to Marlissa D., Emily I., Anony M., Irene, Anne-Marie, Kelli J., Jennifer C., & Stephanie M. for really raising the steaks the year.

*****

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Reader Comments (42)

That first cake has a staph skin infection O_ o raw meat cakes are three words that should NEVER be together

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Oh baby. I think I've found the reason I don't drink. Or travel to Asia. Ever.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPatty Underwood

I am not getting the sunburn one. It's a pink cake with musical symbols on it and a large black rectangle in the middle of it.. Can somebody explain it to me, please?

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

Are you sure #3 is a fake fish? My first thought was roasted turkey drumstick. Yeah, I know that doesn't make any sense either, but it certainly sounds better than a dead fish.

Happy Gnu Year

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

(mushy peas are a traditional accompaniment to fish & chips in the UK, and, er yes, they look *just* like that. Sorry about that).

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

I think the peas are the least offensive part of that second cake! Mushy peas are a fairly common side dish for fish and chips in the UK, what's more worrying is the undercooked fries and bread-looking fish...

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

You do know that Aloe Vera is a laxative. In that case, you are going to get them one end or the other. As for the ashtray; it should have read "Happy LAST birthday, Steve."
And, you have given new meaning to the words 'fish-cakes'.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

The raw meat "cakes" go with a tabletop grill, and are taken apart and grilled a slice at a time, or sometimes boiled in a tabletop "hot-pot" pot of soup, kind of like fondue. Both very popular ways to eat out, but I agree that a simple geometric arrangement of the meat is more appetizing.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterParnassus

I'm really glad that I'm not pregnant like I was at this time last year. Those would have had me tossing cookies all over the place.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Mushy peas. A traditional accompaniment to fish and chips here in the UK, especially Up North. I have to say - those look pretty realistic.
Happy New Year!

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPinchbeck

I must say: the raw meat cakes are well done! (ha ha!)
Happy 2016 everyone!

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

Erg... mushy peas are gross...

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

I'm going to pretend/hope that those are cookies and not tortilla chips.
And those must be some crazy display lights to make that dribble look SO shiny!

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBin

OK what did you block out of the musical sunburn cake?


[Editor's note- Just somebody's face and name. -john (the censor of faces)]

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Am I the only one that sees what appears to be a loogie at the bottom center of the sunburn cake?

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStefwithanf

I do not drink ,but these cakes still make me want to toss my cookies

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLissa

Is the first cake for a Zygon?

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

SO glad I fell asleep at 9 pm last night instead of consuming any alcohol whatsoever. I had to come and look at the comments to see whether the "raw meat cakes" were cakes made to look like raw meat, or raw meat made to look like cakes. It appears it is the second. Beef roses or ?salami? roses are both WRONG. And most of these cakes made my stomach contents uneasy. Good job, Jen and John, tCoF as well as tHoJ. To add to the *urp* factor, let me just say: Hockey Nude Year!!

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Mushy Peas - a 'delicacy' to eat with fish and chips on this side of the pond and yes they really do look like that, however, they are delicious. Probably one of thosechipo shop things you have to be a Brit to understand. Others include curry sauce, gravy, battered sausages, crispy bits and pickled eggs.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Taylor

Well, now that we know the "secret" of the raw meat cakes, they're not so bad. People eat steak tartar, don't they? If you look closely at the first one, you can see that the flowers are made of slices of carrot and lemons, with shredded cabbage around the bottom. Rather attractive, but it won't change my mind about being a vegetarian.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

I love how even the BOX for the "fish and chips" cake is like "WHAT". (towards upper right)

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSamorama

The dribble cake looks like a festering wound... If you hurl, I'm gonna yak

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

The raw meat cakes are reminding me that I really should be true to my heritage and try making smörgåstårta one of these days.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I'm not even hungover and these still made me feel queasy.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Regrettably, the dribble which must not be named looks a lot like the dribble I created at 3:30 this morning after celebrating new year's eve last night.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJ.A.

At least I'd rather have meat that looks like cake than cake that looks like meat.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJ.A.

Actually, corn chips with whipped cream or frosting are tasty-salt 'n sweet.

January 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCath

Oh how gross especially the raw meat things.. eww lol. Glad I don't drink or these really would have made me gag. Yuck!

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Does anyone else see a grisly face in the 2nd meat cake?

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTeresa from Oregon

Marie, I think they called it a sunburn cake because some of us uber-pale people look like that after 20 minutes at the water park. The 'shading' even fits how we've badly applied our sunblock. Next time I'm going to take a magic marker so I can wear musical notes. ;~)

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPatty Underwood

So, the first thing I thought when I saw the headline for today was Bill Paxton's jerkyjock character in "Weird Science", saying to a very nauseous Anthony Michael Hall, "How would you like a nice, greasy pork sandwich, served in a dirty ashtray?" Then I saw Cake #7 and nearly plotzed. Stick a McRib on that sucker, and you're all set.

Cheers ear!

Storm

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

Vanessa, NEVER apologise for mushy peas. They are my favourite vegetable, although I admit that you probably have to be English to appreciate their quirky charm.

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake

I do appreciate those roses fashioned out of meat - very artistic - and would cheerfully grill or boil one up in miso and eat it at a birthday dinner.

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Cake number four seems to have the music to Old Lang Sine on it.

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Haha! A new meaning for the word "beefcake!"

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMarilyn

Happy New-ew-ew Year!

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary Jayne

I didn't get the sunburn cake at first, either. That huge black rectangle on it was that caught my eye at once and I thought someone had THAT bad sunburn (skin burned to coal!). Then I thought that it was an edible photo, horribly overexposed, on film (in negative) and that was what they meant by "sunburn". But neither of them made me want to get any Aloe Vera... so, then at last I got it.

January 2, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkt

I MUST find the KBBQ place that does those adorable meat cakes! How much fun would it be to get serenaded and then grill up some delicious thin sliced beef belly roses?

January 9, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJill

OK, the pink dribble in #5 is almost certainly the remains of a ring of peppermint puffs. It's been long enough I had to speak my thoughts on their nature.

January 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSentath

Just a shout out from one living in "The Land of the Rising Sun" (aka Japan)
A clarification about the "raw meat cakes". It's not cake. Just some really really expensive meat arranged all nicely to gift to someone for their birthday.... it will be cooked later. Japan is all about the presentation!
Once again to clarify: There is no cake in that meat cake! :)

p.s. This site has made me terrified of ordering my wedding cake....

January 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuzukitobe

I lived in Japan. The meat cake is at what looks to be a Japanese "Yakiniku" restaurant. (You can see the grill on the table beside the cake in the first picture.) While unconventional, a yakiniku restaurant is where you go to eat delicious thin slices of meat you grill on your own at the table so I'm assuming it's a birthday special platter at the restaurant.

February 6, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Hi, I'm the submitter of the 'fish and chips' one, and I'd just like to clarify - it was sold in the UK, it's not some other country's attempt at emulating them, which I guess makes it all the worse? Maybe?
Though it probably doesn't help on my end that I do not comprehend the appeal of mushy peas. And even if I did, why would anyone want them on cake?

February 8, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCruithne

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