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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Sep182014

The Colors, Man. THE COLORS.

Three words, bakeries:

Mandatory Drug Testing.

I mean, I'm not saying anything - I'm NOT - but I'm just saying.

It's a butt. That sprouted a face. With pigtails.

Any questions?

 

Because if not, *I* have one:

Why is this cake trying to slap me?

"Up high?" Yeeeeah, I think someone's high enough, thank you.

 

I should mention that none of today's cakes are special orders, btw; they were all found hanging out in the regular display case, like it weren't no thang, chicken wang!

Aaaand now I will never use that phrase again.

 

Hey, you know that thin line between genius and insanity?

Yeah, we crossed that MILES back:

I call it, "Surrealistic Post-Modern Plastic Flotsaminism."

OH BOY!

 

These cookies taunt me, you guys. They taunt me with their smug presence, defying rational explanation and blowing virtual raspberries in the face of all common sense.

Plus they won't stop staring.

 

Of course we can all debate the merits of bakery drug testing, but in the end, it is the bakers themselves who get the final word:

Ahh, excellent choice.

 

Thanks to Jen & Jake, Steph H., Jeffrey A., Cinthya F., Sarah S., & Lauren L. for giving us something to squack about.

*****

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Reader Comments (73)

Ok, I have stared right back at those cookies for quite some time now. I have squinted, tilted my head, tried to view them sideways and upside down...heck, I even stood on my desk to get a new perspective and I still can't figure out what in the world they are supposed to be. Maybe if I could score whatever the bakers were on? :) Thanks for yet another day of giggles and "whaaaa?" :-D

Also? Sharyn - I just adore your comments.

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie A

Oh john (THOJ) I heart you, and I'm as sober as a judge, an Oregonian judge:)

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

To squack or to not?
It's hard to answer that when
cookies be watching.

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Has no one googled "SQUACK"? It has a few definitions on urban dictionary, one of which involves a ping pong ball.

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWeirdAl

Oh, I am laughing and loving this post, and all the comments. This one has to be up there in my favorites. =-)

I am totally going to start using "Squack!" as my last word in arguments.

@Haiku Joy - Particularly hilarious today!

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Jose Parrot, perfect! I heard that in James Taylor's voice. Thank you, and I'll never hear that song the same way again.

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

Are the cookies supposed to be the squirrel character from the Ice Age movie?

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

@Jodee: me, too...I can't believe I wrote "Butt-Man"... :-)

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Ohhh Myyyy SMH

Cake #1 - I'm sorry, but all I can see there is a camel toe, a very creepy CCC (ptooey!) one *shudders*
Cake #2 - Possibly the Wreckerator was aiming for a sandy beach background with a hand sticking out of the sand...and someone being buried alive asking for as much help as the cake itself is...other than that, I got nothin!
Cake #3 - This cake of course being made in commemoration to the submarine the HMCSS Golden Penis that sank back in the war, and yes, all of the seamen on board fought valiantly and tried to swim for their lives, but none survived. *grin*
Those cookies however, have GOT to be the newest rendition of the missing link! How else could they be so captivating and ... um... well, CREEPY!!! My nightmares will never be the same, since I now will think of them as Scotsmen, especially while watching my episodes of Outlander HAHA!!
And I will definitely HAVE to find a way to use Squack in a sentence...soon.

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCakerMoosie

I did NOT think that was a "chicken wing" 8-|

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSam | Atkinson Drive

Cake 3 defies all ... well, description, logic, sense. What does the other half look like?

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Uh...were these all made in Colorado or Washington?

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

Great now those cookies are going to haunt my dreams tonight. They look like someone took a leaf cookie cutter and turned it into a possessed squirrel lol.

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

are those cookies upside down (and violated) fleur de lis??

meanwhile, that chicken wang cake is such an OFF color....totally unappetizing.

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranon

I think cake #3 is for a tea party? ;)

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdirty mind girl

Chicken wang...help me...

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

See, now....#3 has me wondering if that's a....umm raised shape or an indented shape....ya know the kind where the eyes follow you...wait in this case would it be one eye following you???? My grandmother would slap me with her rosary beads and tell me I'm going to hell for that, right after she emailed that pic to her best friend......

September 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMuddGoddess

Those weird bird heads actually like a little like the creatures in Labyrinth movie with David Bowie,

September 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

So am I to understand that grocery store bakers don't have any guidlines for the off shelf cakes? Actually, I should ask my big sister about this...she manages a grocery store.

Also, I've only heard the word 'Squak' used as a crude term for female genitalia (similar to the 'C' word). Just thought I'd point that out before the commenters here start using it and getting weird or offended looks.

September 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

What is that fourth cake!?!
Is it Mickey Mouse or a skull with pigtails and plastic Mickey Mouse heads!?!?!
SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChocogirl

I'm pretty sure the cookies are an upside-down fleur-de-lis, and that they are supposed to be the character from Despicable Me- the main one whose name I don't remember....he adopts the 3 girls and has minions. Y'know.

October 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterB00jum

Those cookies are sick folk, guys... See the ice pack on top of their heads? The red nose from blowing and sniffling all day? and the wide eyes... with the thousand yard stare from... Not enough sleep, I think? Pretty sure it's to warn people to be careful of the flu!

October 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

That next to last one looks like one of the witch sisters from Legend of Zelda, Kotake or Koume.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMegs

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