GET ME A UNICORN CHASER! (Oh. Wait.)
July 23, 2012 [Note: Today's post contains a mildly bad word, because I put it in to make John laugh and then he said it was too funny to take out. Please parent accordingly.]
According to Urban Dictionary, a unicorn chaser is anything that "serves as a cleansing of the palate after a viewer has been subjected to a distasteful internet image or experience." If you've ever mistakenly clicked a link that showed you something really disgusting, like clown porn or Snooki's pregnancy pictures, then you know what I'm talking about.
You can even buy a Unicorn Chaser from ThinkGeek, although they don't mention what it tastes like. I'm guessing moonbeams and Oreo filling, because I can't imagine anything that tastes better than that, except maybe Oreo filling without the moonbeams. But it might taste like green Skittles, which would be disgusting, and then you'd need another chaser for your Unicorn chaser. Which would be both sad and kind of filling.
Look, my point is that these clouds look like shit:
;)
No, wait. That wasn't my point at all.
My point is, Unicorn horns: Do they really need a point?
;)
Or can they just be a giant lump like a cartoon head injury?
Or a large pile of bird doo-doo?
And do unicorns need heads, or can they just puke rainbows directly out of their necks?
;)
Assuming they still have a horn jammed in there somewhere, I mean?
True Story: As I was typing "do unicorns need heads" just now, I could totally hear one of you saying, "Why would a unicorn need a bathroom at sea?" And I was all, "WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE QUESTION, IMAGINARY WISE-GUY READER." And then you were all, "Gee, sorry," and I was able to move on after eating a spoonful of Oreo filling for recovery purposes.
This unicorn-pooping-cupcakes cake is adorable, and I won't have any of you speaking a WORD against it.
;)
Unless you want to comment on the wonky elongated nipple/leg. That I'd be ok with.
And finally, you know how when you visit a friend or relative, and you break something, and you just lay the broken bits down like they're not broken and hope nobody notices until a few days after you leave? No?
Ok, how about this:
You know how when you can't get a cake unicorn head to stand up on its own, so you just break it off and plop it back down on the body at an unnatural angle and pretend it's supposed to look like that?
;)
o.0
[backing away slowly]
If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here eating Oreo fillings in the moonlight. Just as soon as I find a picture of the moon for my computer screen.
Hey Laura B., Andrea & Anne Marie, Joshanna R., Robin E., & Samantha S. - why the long face and creepy demon eyes?
Reader Comments (84)
I read the post three times looking for the bad word.
I think it says a lot about my mother's parenting style that I don't consider the word "s**t" to be even "mildly" bad.
Love, love, love the cupcake pooping unicorn! She (I'm assuming female, because you know) looks so happy and content! As if she's thinking: "Oh yes, you know life is good when you can poop cupcakes."
i want a cupcake pooping unicorn t-shirt! i would wear that to work in the bakery! especially if we have cupcakes for sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think with #3 the baker hoped
they wouldn't notice that it had no head?
Vomiting rainbow mane doesn't hide that
there is no head.
I'm never going to be able to look at
mushrooms the same way again after that
video. Really glad that I never liked them.
That cupcake pooping unicorn has teat feet!
The unicorn pooping cupcakes is wack, everyone knows they'd have sprinkles on them!!!
Just tweeted this to Wil Wheaton, who spent the weekend talking about unicorns and rainbows instead of raging about things that were upsetting... Excellent timing, Miss Jenn, excellent timing.
Oh my gosh! I just found your site. I spent at least an hour laughing. I then almost peed myself when I saw the "Merry Hoo Hoo" . Thanks! Keep it going, this is great stuff!
Renee: Agreed, that cake is gorgeous. The one you linked to. The one in this post...um...the fairy is kind of cute?
O.M.G., Jen! You used the word (whispers) "puke." I bet you lose readers for that! Um hm
John (thoJ), I think that note to Donkaloosa is called "closing the barn door after the decapitated unicorn is out."
Sharyn, "But someone’s stealing pony tops." There isn't a single day I don't adore your lyrics but that's just FUNNY.
Looks like good unicorn cakes seem to be a rarity.
why would someone want a cake with a unicorn pooping cupcakes?
I've always said, "Unicorns are scary." These are proof!
OMG. . . ."punie mushroom hunting". . . . .I found the Japanese cartoon video. My throat is hoarse from SCREAMING with laughter! I thought that girl was going to impale herself.
I think I need a unicorn chaser, but only if said unicorn poops chocolate cupcakes that are filled with Oreo creme. Whew!
The entire Unicorn Chaser concept is seriously funny, just like your posts (as always!). Just an fyi, though, the Think Geek Unicorn Chaser was an April Fool's Day joke (scroll down to the very bottom of the page ;)
Well that explains where wreckerators find some of their CCC things lol. Unicorns pooping cupcakes. I honestly am scared to think what they can come up with next. Something that will make me never sleep again I am sure.
I rather like green Skittles, but hey - it takes all kinds. While reading this post I shot tea out of my nose. You should be very proud.
Unicorn Chaser on ThinkGeek is an April Fool's entry, so you can't actually buy them :(
ha...I don't swear and I thought I was the only person on the planet who doesn't, so it makes me happy that you don't usually...but if you're going to use a 'dirty' word, I think using it to describe this very 'dirty' wreck is completely appropriate. :)
My 7 year, a big cakewrecks fan as well, just walked up behind me and said "ewwww. poop clouds!"
Unicorn chaser. OK, that last cake is unicorn roadkill, which is - presumably - what a unicorn chaser ends up with. I'm waiting for a chunk of the rocky-road Ford Bronco CCC responsible, please, no sprinkles.
my boyfriend recently came up with a song that i would LUV to bash with a hammer :
Damn fries are done
fat people run
to Gerbs they go
to buy more fries
now ive got it stuck in my head. it sounds kind bias when i think of it now. huh.
Jen-here is a picture of the moon. Hope it helps.
http://scienceprep.org/images/full_moon_large.jpg
Dang-now I want Oreos...maybe I'll get a McFlurry....it is over 100 degrees outside...
Maybe the brown clouds are from the forest fires in Colorado? We did actually see some rainbows forming over brown clouds here.
How do you know those cupcakes are on their way OUT?
The last unicorn reminds me of the Dragon from Shrek... fluttering her eyelashes at Donkey...
Not nice say derogatory things about Nicole what's-her-name (Snooki). She's not a public punching bag.
Wow. I needed that!! The cupcake pooper made me laugh so hard I was wheezing and had tears pouring out of my eyes! Thank you!!
Maybe that last unicorn died of a broken neck? It would explain why the fairy looks so vacant and kinda sad. She did all she could but she couldn't save him. *Shakes fist at sky* why? Why!?
That last one reminds me of when the horse slowly dies in The Neverending Story.
Thanks for the unicorn pooping cupcakes. It made me laugh so hard I snorted. It's GREAT! LOL
the unicorn pooping cupcakes will huant me for life!!!!!
Hep cat unicorns
turn the fillies' heads with their
rosebud facial hair.
But are they fresh, Jen?
Fresh unicorn cupcakes would
be hot and steamy.