Beachy Keen
June 8, 2012 Ah, the heady, celebratory days of summer:
;)
Say this with your teeth gritted, and you'll sound like Sean Connery.
Ohh, and while you're at it, repeat after me:
;)
Ha! Although really it should sound more like, "Schuck it, Trebek."
(Don't get it? This should help.)
Where was I?
Oh, right.
So, school's out, and it's time for that quintessential summer activity:
Fun and sun at the beach!
;)
Gee. Way to sell it, bakers.
;)
Mmmm. Radioactive wasteland has never looked so...mildewy.
Uh, guys? Is this what I think it is?
;)
Black "water," two plastic ships, found on the shelf in August of 2010...
OH NO YOU DID NOT, BAKERS.
(Yep, I really waited two whole years to post this wreck. The first person to cry "too soon!" has to eat it. :D)
Well, if an edible oil spill isn't your thing, then how about an edible hurricane?
;)
DOLPHIN!
(If you get that reference you win two gold stars and a 'nother cow.)
You know, on second thought, I think I'll just stay inside this summer. Seem safer that way. Y'all have fun out there, y'hear?
Thanks to today's wreckporters Hillary I., Audrey P., Kristen S., Jessica N., Hope R., & Thia S. for reminding me why I don't leave the house.
Reader Comments (62)
Wait, wait, wait.....
So the FLIP FLOPS are heavy enough to stay on the ground, but the BABIES are blown through the air (with their gender-coordinated beach blankets)?
And as a (nearly) life long Floridian, I must point out the hurricane essential that is missing from this cake. Really, wrekerators? How could you leave off the video camera?!?! Everyone knows that if you're going to do something mind-bogglingly stupid like take your infant fraternal twins to watch the Cat 3 storm come ashore YOU TAKE VIDEO OF IT!
Must be yankees.
Holy octopus! There's a baby on that last cake!!!!!!!!
*whimper*
Why?
I know that this is totally not your fault, but the broken toe cake is at the bottom of this post in the related posts. O_o I have to scroll past it really really really fast to avoid, *hurk* , excuse me, a gut reaction. *shudder* Please, can I get one of those unsee machine once they've been patented?
I prefer to think the radioactive cake is set on Mars, but the caption...ummm....am I the only one that sees a questionable connotation? Right then, moving on.
You are funny and made of awesome as usual :)
"We have debris."
"DEBRIS?!"
That showers of happiness cake- what did they frost that with? It looks so nasty. I would be happy with it!
The first cake looks nice though, except for the awful inscription!
Oh goodness I love the hurricane cake!! Especially the two carrot-less jockeys caught in the maelstrom
Who is wearing those sandals that are the size of the dolphin? Is this the aftermath of Hagrid's vacation?
Ok, someone want to clue me in on the 2010 reference?
Okay, you got a "snicker, snicker, snort" out of me with the dolphins. I love to quote that movie way too much.
"So what was it like?"
"It was windy"
Yeah, thanks for my two stars :)
These bakers however, get no thanks. Although that first cake is lovely (and hey, TWO celebrations in one, a Happy Birthday AND school being out!), there's really no excuse for these people to not be able to spell a word that most of us could probably spell in the 1st grade. That Happiness cake makes me think of lava meeting the ocean, not something most normal people (and I use that term loosely) would want portrayed on a cake. Love the Trebek cookie, I KNEW I had heard that somewhere else! :)
Jeez, Jen, why'd you wait two years to post that oil spill cake? It's just not topical any more.
(Back off, Theardare. I was joking!)
TOO SOON with the oil jokes, Missy!!! It's ONLY been 2 years...
Based on “Summer of ‘69” by Bryan Adams
I got my first job baking
Over at the five and dime
Who buys their cakes at Walgreens?
Every one was $3.99
Me and some friends from shcool
Couldn’t spell but we tried real hard
That’s what kept us off that game show.
Suck it, Trebek. Suck it hard.
Oh when I look back now
That summer just went on forever
And if I had a choice
I wouldn’t frost big cookies
That was the worst job of my life
Ain’t no use in complainin’
When you’re working as a drudge
So you think that beach looks wonky?
Should have seen the one with toxic sludge
Thought I had a good approach
For using up all that black frosting
But to my great surprise
They didn’t like it in New Orleans
Maybe not the best choice of my life
Oh well.
That’s what you get for $3.99
So…
I was just killin’ time
I was dumb and reckless
And didn’t use my mind
I’ll never frost cakes again, no never, never, no
You should have seen my last cake
Right before I quit for school in fall
Couldn’t find a plastic flotsam cow
But there were dolphins, if I recall
Standing with my final check
I’m so glad I didn’t frost forever
Didn’t turn out as I planned
I guess I’m just not so clever
That was the worst job of my life
Oh yeah
What do you want for $3.99?
Uh-huh
Next time spend more than $3.99, oh, yeah
Don’t get good work for $3.99.
I'm hearing that movie trailer guy's voice:
IN A WORLD where the seas are oil and the sands are drenched with lava, two young lovers struggle to find happiness and meaning. Can they overcome the hurricane trauma from their infancy? Can Beth survive the humiliation of her bikini bottoms being washed ashore without her? Can Ryan make it through the shame of his epic fail on Jeopardy? Coming Summer 2012: HURRICAKE.
This cake is not yet rated.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
Hilarious!! Loved the SNL link.
"'nother dolphin"
"actually I think that was the same one"
"I'll have to call you back, we've got dolphins!"
and cows perhaps
And now I'm going to go through the rest of the day with Sean Connery in my head reading all my code. Could be an interesting day.
As always, thanks for the delicious commentary to go along with the wrecks.
j
PS: I showed a co-worker the cakes from yesterday and she would NOT believe that they were professionally done cakes. She was positive that they had to have been created by somebody's odd neighbor who assured everybody that she had a dinosaur form and could use it to make all sorts of things...
Is the reference Ecco the Dolphin? I loved that game for the Sega Megadrive.
Can't...stop...laughing at sharyn XD XD these cakes, I wonder if people realize what they are makingO_o
"I think that was the same dolphin."
"That's not a moon, it's a space station!" (Two birds, one stone...)
[Aside: How many saw Philip Seymour Hoffman winning an Oscar after his appearance in "Twister"? Yeah, same here.]
Sure got windy fast
Forgot to check TWC
Flip flops everywhere
Katy>Sorry, those are my flip flops...I always bring a couple of extra to the beach just in case.
You can almost hear Mr. Bill (and Mrs. Bill?) saying "oh noooooooo..." as Mr. Sun heats up that water to a rolling boil.
How do you do it, Sharyn?
^^ There should be a "not" in there. I would NOT be happy with this cake!
"DOLPHIN!!!" isn't nearly deadpan enough. It's more like "Dolphin."
"Another dolphin."
"Nope, same dolphin."
The first cake is sporting a jaunty Shcool's Out AND a tie dyed Happy Birthday candle which goes so well with the beach theme. It's a two-fer one wreck!
At first I thought it was going to be a Flock of Seagulls reference on that Too Soon "cake". After scrolling down and seeing you wrote "black 'water'", I totally expected a Pirates of Dark Water reference. Noi-gee-taht, I am so bummed right now!
Well, here's a little Flock of Seagulls for ya:
I walked along the avenue
I never thought I'd meet a cake like you
Meet a cake like you
With day-glow sand and moldy seas
The kind of seas that nauseate me through
Nauseate me through
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away
A cloud appears within the sea
A stream of black comes spilling out on you
Spilling out on you
The cloud is a giant oil spill
A deep water pipe has begun to spew
Begun to spew
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away
-SCREEEECH-
HERE I AM! Rock you like a hurricane!
DB, you killed me. I couldn't figure out what those flip-flops were. They don't look like dolphins. They look more like....paisley. And I did not even notice the flying babies because I was enthralled by the weird paisleys.
#1 The true irony: they included the apostrophe, and in the right place. I'm getting kind of a retro, 60s vibe from the flotsam -- could this have been intended for the Lunch-In?
#2 What a shame the fact of the comma being missing doesn't do something unintentionally hilarious to the meaning.
#3 Of all places the first-grade career fair might have been held, they just had to choose the bakery. Better, I suppose, than the state legislature, though the difference there might have been harder to detect.
#4 Poor Beth and Ryan, trapped between the devil and the deep green sea.
#5 I find this one disturbing. Somewhere in the world at this very moment, something could be happening to which this wreck bears an unfortunate and completely coincidental resemblance. I'm guessing 'somewhere' is the Black Sea, but I can't be sure, since I've never seen the Black Sea. I only had to guess where it was ** years ago in a geography class. Not that the location has since changed, but...never mind.
[Segue to the gentle strains of 'The Ballad of Jed Clampett'.]
#6 Well, blow me away -- those are carrot jockeys, even to the mohawks. I only hope the poor dears remain safe from the poo sharks* long enough to come ashore in the Land That Scale Forgot.
*'Poo Sharks' would be an excellent name for a band. Not to be confused with pool sharks, which caused a lot of trouble in River City. They could be dolphin, but 'poo dolphin' eliminates too many jokes. For that matter, they might be porpoises, but what would be the porpoise of that?
I thought those dolphins were flying turds. Probably because I've been reading CW way too long.
A+++ from Sharyn, yet again.
And DB make me nearly choke on my lunch.
@DB: That was great. I could "hear" the announcer guy. I mis-read the last line, "This cake is overrated."
@Classic Steve: Hypoxia. I live near Denver.
@Andrea: Nice job -- we'll have to do a duet. You even got a seaside theme.
@David: 2010 oil spill in Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana
Did you notice the first cake says "Harry Birthday?"
LOVED the SNL link. I hadn't seen that one.
"COW!"
Hulu is forbidden to all foreigners. Could someone explain to me what I would have seen if I'd been allowed to watch the video?
@ Melanie
Yes! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw that. (I actually missed the misspelling of "school" at first because I was so focused on the wonky font of the pick!)
@Melanie - if you click on the first cake picture to expand it, it actually says Happy (not Harry), it's just that wacky early 70's psychedelic font that it's printed in that makes it hard to see on the picture.
You've made it on baby center. One of their bloggers collected the baby shower cakes
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/682012-the-strangest-baby-shower-cakes-ever-pics/
Yes It's from twister - but you said Hurricane (tricky of your trying to fool us that way!) A few summers ago, my fiance and I were on the way to a camping trip a few states away from our home in Missouri. My son called me on the way there and warned me of a tornado watch in the area we were driving through. I assured him that while we could see that the sky was dark in the west, we were perfectly safe. He then reminded me that I was riding in a red pickup truck with Bill!
I see that fifth cake as a recreation of this famous nuclear weapon test photo: http://archure.net/liberty/NUCNV/crossBaker8.jpg
That's the Baker shot from Operation Crossroads, for those wondering.
OMG!! I totally want a cake with a hurricane! LMAO
Marvin the robot made Beth and Ryan's cake.
Showers. Of happiness. =sigh=
and I'd stay out of the water, if I were you. Sharks. =sigh=
I was thinking a pre-Michael McDonald Doobie Brothers reference on #5. How did this panel get so musical, anyway?
I can usually call up the song (except for some of these new-fangled songs these kids are putting on here), but getting snarky cake references to fit in the scansion and rhyme scheme of the reference song is usually more than I can manage. If there is an album in the offing (as there ought to be), I know a bass player: me.
@Sharyn -- only a cat person could tell Theardare to back off and not at this moment be hearing who wrote the songs and what misfortunes befell Lola. Although I'm pretty sure giving Jen a hard time -- as opposed to serious complaining -- is safe where 'Machine Gun Kitty' is concerned.
I love the hurricane cake! It should say "Welcome to Florida!" ( or Gulf Coast. Or Cuba. Or The Bahamas. Or or or or ... so many choices..) Now I will be humming 'Apocalypso' all day.
@Dread Pirate Robyn - re: choking - that's the new diet plan, as if you needed any additional help to avoid swallowing your food after seeing these wrecks.
@CrAig - do you think the Poo Sharks would do a double bill with the Foo Fighters?
@Sharyn - LOL @so glad I didn't frost forever! I think we are too, if more of the above would have been the result. Now I'm picturing Bryan Adams in an apron and wielding a piping bag.
@doodlebug - paisleys on the beach sounds like a frozen cocktail, worthy of a little pastel umbrella
Shcool?? That's where Shaquille O'Neill got his education, right?
*blushing* Well, thanks ever so much Sharyn. Having our resident Wrecked Lyrics Diva throw me a bone like that makes me feel a warm and fuzzy. *kneeling and bowing* I'm not worthy!
@Stephen: It is a Saturday Night Live skit of celebrity Jeopardy (the game show). I found it on YouTube as "Sean connery bert Reynolds French stewert jeopardy", if that helps? Sorry, I don't know how to link it or embed it or whatever. : - /
@Craig: Ah, so Cake Wrecks song parodies appeal to your "bass instincts." Theardare and I have an understanding. If I scratch that itchy spot behind his left ear he cuts me some slack.
@Stephen it was a parody of the gameshow "Jeopardy" which is hosted by Alex Trebek. The Sean Connery impersonator ends the skit with "suck it, Trebek!"
We should just declare the internet closed. I don't see it getting any better than this post and the accompanying comments. Being serious (don't worry, it won't last long) I feel badly for people who don't "get" this. I can't imagine what a life that must be. Thankfully, I won't ever have to know!! :D
#3 brought a movie mashup into my head, unbidden:
Godzilla (Mathew Broderick standing in the giant footprint and not realizing what it is)
Creepshow2 (the oil slick in the pond that swallowed the swimmers)
A shout out to @Andrea, the newest member of the Songwriters' Guild.
We* represent the Songwriters' Guild, the Songwriters' Guild, the Songwriters' Guild.
We represent the Songwriters' Guiiiild -- welcoming you to Cake Wrecks Land!**
*It would be presumptuous of me to include myself in that august assembly, especially since it's only June, so I won't.
**Ok, so that last bit doesn't quite make sense, since she's been here a while. Deal with it.