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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jul252011

Overselling It

"Good day, Madam! Please allow me to welcome you to the West Rutheford Winery, Gastropub and Patisserie. Might I offer you a moist towelette?"

"Um, no. I just need to order a cake for my son's birthday, please."

"But of course! We have many, many cakes to choose from. If I may point out on our Ménu dú Jöur, here you see we have our Incredibly Moist Chocolate Cake Uniquely Finished By Hand With Butter Cream Icing."

"As you can see, it is 'Great For Any Occasion.'"

"Finished by hand? Are you sure feet weren't involved?" [smirking]

[ahem] "Ah, yes, very amusing. Well, Madam, if that is not your particular cup of Earl Gray, might I suggest our Moist Gold Cake Uniquely Hand Finished Tastes Just Like A Real "WATERMELON"?


"Soooo, it tastes like a watermelon?"

"Not at all, Madam. It tastes like a 'WATERMELON.'"

"Ah."

"Ah, but I have saved the best for last! It is the pièce de résistance of our repertoire, the crème de la crème, the horloge de le stylo du la baguette fo di fa fa! Behold!

"A Rich Belgian Chocolate Cup filled with a layer of moist yellow Cake, Fudge, and sweet cream Ice Cream and topped with fluffy white Frosting...


...and a menstrual duo."

"Ew."

"As you might expect, this is available but once a month."

...


"Madam? Wait! Where are you going?!"

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Dawn C. and Aimee W. who are just glad that last one isn't red velvet.

Oh, and since *I* couldn't figure it out, I thought you might want to know that last label should read minstrel - which is apparently a type of cake. Plus, when Aimee pointed it out to the manager she shrugged, said they were all probably like that, and put it back on the shelf. Yay, quality control!

« Homophoned In | Main | Sunday Sweets: Harry's Sweet Send-Off »

Reader Comments (89)

What the heck?

Blood in the water!!!

WV: rardingl: rardingl is fundamental

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

I'm with the other common taters...I mean commentators...who can't believe the manager put the menstrual duo cupcake back on the shelf. Too dadgum funny.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Zoomom...omg...for the win!

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@Becky at 12:00pm - Ok, now you've done it. Can anybody recommend a nice cult - my brain needs washing.

WV: forcentl How much for the menstrual duo cake? Forcentl do it.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDidoCarthage

@Kimmchi - 1:34pm - Thanks for mentioning that FoTC ref - I would NEVER have realized that...now I've googled it and watched their video and my whole day got even better (at least I'm not thinking about menstrual duos although I'm humming "foux de fafa" incessantly...)

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Mindy

Maybe the "menstrual duo" cake includes http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/03/wreck-spotting.html" rel="nofollow">Wreck Spotting, the Tres Leches cake with the "custom decoration".

Oh, and be sure you have napkins on hand when you serve this cake.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElkman

@Craig - I have to admit that I heard them all in the Terry Jones "crunchy frog" voice.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That's one minstrel duo that isn't playing Greensleeves, if you catch my drift.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hi John/Jen,

I have a correction to your clarification of what the "menstrual duo" is supposed to be. It actually isn't "minstrel duo", and it isn't a kind of cake. The "mistral duo" is a type of chocolate ornament (a white and milk chocolate curl) that is used on the Cold Stone Sweet Treat Cupcakes.

Here's the CS description in their press release:
• Sweet Cream: Moist yellow cake layered with fudge and Sweet Cream ice cream in a rich Belgian chocolate shell, finished with Bettercreme frosting and Duo Mistrals topping.

found here: http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/assets/pdf/news/pr_cupcakes_020409.pdf

Here's the site for the "mistral duo"
http://www.in2food.com/catalog/products.php?pid=1581

I didn't know if i should send you this info via a comment or email, so I've done both.

Don't ya just hate know-it-alls? :-)

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

Shout out to a fellow Flight of the Conchords fan!

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

Jen and John, Thanks for another great post!!

@BadKarma! "Menstrual Duo" sounds like a good name for an all-girl punk band." --- definitely laughing out loud at your comment!

first WV: fecul This WV would have been perfect for the Aw, Poo post.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

thanks to living on guam for several yeats I learned another name for man parts - fafa (the a sound is like in cat not la la)
De

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And here I always thought a "menstrual duo" was a large chocolate cake (with extra frosting)in one hand, and a 64 oz. Coca-Cola in the other hand. HMM.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPrism

Spit take on the last pic.

WV: feedness
need I say more?

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Uggh I would've run out of the bakery, too, if I had seen the last cake's sticker
I think I can hold off dinner for a couple of hours now... or maybe a day...

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Just put it back on the shelf?! Wow....

And the comments, nearly as bad as the cake! Whoa! haha!

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany in Topeka

Bloody good, though!

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

Ha! That last one is a Cold Stone Creamery label.. I know cuz I decorate ice cream cakes and cupcakes there... now when I go to work tomorrow, I'm gonna have to check the labels to make sure they don't say "menstrual duo". It's supposed to be "mistral duo". Like this: http://www.in2food.com/catalog/products.php?pid=1581

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Christensen

I was on board with the Sweet Treat Cupcakes until the "menstrual duo." Yikes! I can't even conceive of why someone would write that on a label or what that could possibly be a misspelling for.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDawn @ Kitchen Lore

Once again you have made me howl. :-) I must learn to speak a foreign language like you. Think how cultured I'll sound with phrases like "fo di fa fa" as I order my cake with menstrual duo.
(What was that manager thinking when she put it back on display?)

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

Mostly as a joke, my husband brought home the watermelon cake in this post from the store tonight. It really does not taste "just like "WATERMELON". He wants me to let you know, it was 1/2 off.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanelle

Ah! I can't believe Coldstone would make such a mistake and not even care! (Why yes, I do go there often enough to recognize the label...)

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Yeah, menstrual is definitely one of those words that should not appear anywhere near food. I can't believe they left the label that way. Ewww.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

The last one is disgusting... Honestly, how could someone not notice that before putting it on display?? That's plain stupid.

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous
July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAicats

Hmm that watermelon one actually doesn't look too bad but on that last cake they can keep the menstrual duo. I have enough with one thanks lol. That a manager would just leave it like that is amazing. Guess they don't care what they serve to customers at that bakery.

July 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Gee, saw the first cake and thought it must be in honor of the Olympic Worm Races... y'mean it's not? Well, darn!

Merry from Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

July 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Laughed so hard the dog came to see just what in the heck was wrong with me. AWESOME!

July 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You're doing it wrong.
Start pricing at one thousand.
That's serious art.

July 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Your fake French is just hilarious!

July 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCindy Major

Actually, the Menstrual Duo is a pair of female superheroes who employ the devastating powers of rage, angst, depression, and chocolate bingeing.

They are great at fighting all manner of petty crimes inflicted by their male counterparts - like not putting the toilet seat down, forgeting to take out the trash, and the most horrific crime of them all - failing to bring adequate supplies of chocolate home during "that time of the month."

July 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

*hurl*

July 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

"horloge de le stylo du la baguette fo di fa fa!"

i took this to google translate and decided to try portugese to english. they suggested fo di=fodi. much to my surprise i can now say the f word in portugese.

thank you jen and john

August 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterearlleen

This summer, I bought a "WATERMELON" cake because it cracked me up that it was in quotes. WORST MISTAKE EVER.

It is as advertized. It tastes like "Watermelon" NOT watermelon. That artificial, super sweet bubblegum flavor. Disgusting. One of my co-workers thought it was DELICIOUS, though. Blah!

August 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauria

The first two are made pre-made and frozen cakes shipped to a large supermarket chain, where all that is required is to slap the stores price/bar code sticker on it.

August 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNorthern

When I read "As you might expect, this is available but once a month." I nearly jumped out of my seat. Brilliant.

I've been following cake wrecks for a while, thought I'd finally post something. You guys have made my day a number of times.

August 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLucasVP

Holy cow! "Menstrual Duo" - and LEFT IT LIKE THAT?! Should include a warning: "Ovaries Only: Fallopian tubes not included."

September 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Just to clear everything up... the cupcakes are from Cold Stone Creamery (where I work). They are made at each individual store and the stickers on the product are written up by that store's managers...hence the error. What it should say is minstrel duo (which in Cold Stone speak is a little tube of chocolate that is striped with white chocolate and milk chocolate).
Not gonna lie I wanted to pee my pants with laughter when I saw that!

October 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

I think it's that last cake's time of the month again...

December 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCam

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