Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:

And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.

Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":

And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those? [chortle]

Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:

And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those bakers: such fun guys.

Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:

And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.

And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.

Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.

*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

*Update from john: Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)

Comments

[TexasBlueEyes]

I would have just died if any of those showed up at my reception site. Especially the duct tape one. OMG. I can't even laugh when I think of the horror those poor brides experienced upon seeing that!

[KarenkInSacramento]

Oh, this was just so sad. Regular Cake Fail is bad enough, but Wedding Cake Fail is even more depressing. Ideally, you only have one wedding and one cake-- who wants the cake to look like that?

The duct-tape cake makes my head hurt. Are these bakers mountain men? Some other hillbilly demographic? What? :(

[leigh]

I think the green orchid cake was a good attempt, especially if the resort pastry chef didn't make the original. It's just the melty, oozy icing that made it bad.

I seriously hope at least most of these folks got their money back!

[Anonymous]

If these were professional bakers delivering product they should all be shuttered post haste.

One must know when one is asked to work above ones pay grade. One must know when circumstance makes a product unsuitable and offer alternatives. One must always do ones best and if this is the best they could offer they have no business in cake or event work.

It seems more likely that a relative or friend was doing a favor to lower expenses and what failed to arrive was lower expectation.

I hope they were each tastier than they appear and made a better impression at first bite than first glance. Of course that presumes you wanted a bite after a glance.

[estelle martin]

i have alway had bad luck now im no where close to getting married as im only 12 but ive been dreaming of my wedding day since i was 5 now im scared to death that due to my bad luck when i get married my cake will be horrible-and if it is im blameing you-and sending you a picture :)

[Jenn Everett]

This is a very BAD Baker. No matter which cake it was.. shame on you baker!! shame shame. I am a professional cake artist. And even I turn away cakes that are WAYYY out of my world of talent. I had a repeat client email this beautiful 3D raninbow horse cake. It was amazing. Now I could pull off something similar as a cake topper, but the client wanted the whole cake to look like the horse. Now I could have lied and said "sure I can do it" but that is not what you do. Even though she was a very good client of mine, I let her know it was way beyond my skill level. I would rather say no, then create a disaster. Saves the client time and money, and saves me from having one of my cakes on this blog!! lol

[Gina G.]

I love cake wrecks and Bridal Terrors is my favorite type of post. WHY WHY WHY is it that every time there's a bridal terrors post, someone has to point out that one of the cakes "isn't really that bad?" It drives me crazy. They are all indeed "really that bad."

The one that was supposed to have the purple flowers was the worst.

[Lindsay]

Hey Jen,

I'm right there with you on the Publix cake. My wedding cake was an $80 Publix cake and it was delicious as well as cute, but Publix is awesome so there you go.

[Kate]

I just wonder how much these brides paid for their cakes. Seriously go to a baker that has samples of their work at least in pictures! If you show them fondant cake make sure they know how to do it! WOW!

[NaniC]

Okay I have one question and it's a recurring one that pops into my head every time I see these tiered messes from the pictures to actuality... IF you are a professional bakery DON'T YOU OWN DIFFERENT SIZE CAKE MOLDS? Honestly I've been baking since I was 8 and even when I didn't know to use a curb coat (my communion cake was a wreck) or didn't know how to tort a cake... I knew to use different size cake molds on tired cakes!!

[Sue]

I would sue. SUE.

[Bea]

Gina G.. the first cake really is NOT all that bad.

[Medusahead5]

You can't weasel your way out of making a ferret pun.

[Mike]

These wrecks are ferretable disasters.