Sweet Dreams
November 12, 2010 As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.
[hem ahem hem]
*whispering*
there was a baby who was very sleepy.
The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:
Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!
One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!
And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.
But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.
They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!
And so, plugging his little ears, he did.
But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:
Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.
I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.
And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.
But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.
***The End***
Now, who wants seconds?
Reader Comments (156)
OK, the first cake made me think *vaguely* of Voldemort at the beginning of "Goblet of Fire." Anyone? Anyone at all?
I really, really hope none of these cakes are red velvet.
I know I will not be having sweet dreams today... yikes!!
Please please please don't ever make me eat an aborted fetus. Ever. Please.
can't sleep...cake is going to eat me...
I'm afraid!
I may never get to sleep tonight.
(Shivers and hides head.)
Holy crap, I'm going to have nightmares from a cake blog. AAACCKK!
Okay..that jacked up monkey reminds me of the crate creature on Creepshow...
So now nightmares have previews, too. Thank you very little.
A baby? Really? Sure -- a baby Hobbit!
What's the deal on the giant ladybug? Most of it is reasonably well done, but the face must have been painted by a baby. Is that the tie-in?
When did monkeys get claws? Oy!
AAAAAAhhhhhhh! (rocking back and forth) I want my mommy!
@ Das
Cool! Did you get the term "Nightmare Fuel" from TVTropes? I love that site but its so addicting. I also want to add that Cakewrecks is now an entry there!
That said, I'd also like to send my therapy bill to Cakewrecks as well. That monkey invokes the Uncanny Valley o.o; *shudder*
UGH! the feet on that baby butt cake are CREEPY!
There should be a warning when the post contains so much horror!!
Now I need someone to hold me.
wv: santla Santla sure won't visit these wreckerators!
Great, now I won't be able to sleep for a week straight. That monkey is just disturbing...those beady little black eyes stared straight through my soul. I can feel his hatred right through the screen!
OMG. Between the first (Fetus?!) cake and the last (Scary deranged monkey?!?!) my insomnia will now be reaching a new level! AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Thanks a lot. Now, because of the monkey cake, we'll ALL have insomnia. Way to go. Way. To. Go.
I may never sleep again.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
*whimper* *hides under the table*
That first baby - cake - thing - is horrifying. *shudder* Also, scary, scar, scary monkey.
That is all.
That's a nice cake design.
The first and last cakes-AAAAAHHHH
You effin' kill me.
Gahhhh!!! thank god for medication for sleep. come fair Ambien and wipe my troubled mind clean!
AGGGHHH! That 1st cake is going to give me nightmares!
The last sentence with the monkey comment had me so confused. Then I scrolled down. Holy cuss. That thing is clearly straight from the bowels of heck.
This was like watching a horror movie. The dead pale baby, the evil clown, the demon monkey (that seriously was MADE to "fling poo"!!?? What kind of mother.....???).
See..... even SHE was possessed! It's the only explanation.
I get it -- you just like the idea that most of your viewers will be 'keeping watch' with you. Since we're all up anyway, we should have some cake. Just not any of these.
By the way, Dr. Moreau called -- he wants his monkey back. He said something about changing the 5th finger to a thumb and making some other... 'refinements'.
Insomnia? More like never sleeping again. The monkey's eyes alone...meep.
OMG, that baby will giving me nightmares for years!
That's not a baby in the last but one cake, that's an old person creeping into that cake.......
That.was.terrifying!! I don't know what to do with myself and my poor unborn child whom will (I am sure) be the main character of all the nightmares induced by your terrifying post..
Holy Carp! The first one is Gollum's baby photo!!
Sweet dreams, my hiney. o.O pretty mean of you, Jen, to give the rest of us insomnia...
-Barbara Anne
Seriously disturbing. Not that this is a bad thing....
ew. Reading through my blog roll, I saved Cake Wrecks, the best, for last. Now I'm creeped out! Thank goodness I usually go from CW to Epbot; I hope there's something sweet there to replace the creepy images in my brain!!
Cr*p. I took my last Ambien last night. Thanks a lot.
Love the story. That last monkey, who last made an appearance in one of my nightmares, less so.
Yanno, I've been reading this blog for a while, so my threshold for disturbing confectionery is pretty high.
I almost didn't make it past that first cake.
Please, just...if you ever find a cake version of one of those windup monkeys with the cymbals (a la Toy Story 3) please head it with a warning. I don't have any prescription sleep aids at my disposal.
LOL - "Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy."
As a woman with three upcoming baby showers being thrown for her, I want to personally thank you for adding a tinge of dread to the otherwise exciting festivities.
[should I just ask for cheesecake? nobody puts monsters on cheesecakes, right?]
Boy, that monkey's going to be visiting my nightmares tonight
Such a clever story!!
Okay, Mr.Monkey cake looks like something out of a nightmare. No wonder you have insomnia. I wouldn't be able to sleep after seeing that one either!
ahhhhhhh!!!! the chubby legs and that money!!!!! scary and creepy
There ain't NOTHIN' soothing about any of that story or those cakes.
I'm gonna be sleeping with the lights on tonight, I think.
WHY does the monkey have no eyeballs? Creepy eye sockets of doom!
Thank you for the nightmares!
The one with the pink buttercream blanket and the BABY HEAD SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET A CHUNK OF AAAAAGH is a near-miss. Imagine the same cake with some kind of cookie construction around the rim to suggest a crib with a smooth white mattress. On the mattress is a delicious delicious buttercream pink knitted blanket, folded or rumpled or otherwise impressively modeled using hundreds of little points of buttercream. For the final touch, either a piped inscription or a calligraphed sign on a pick, reading "BABY'S ON THE WAY." And no human body parts anywhere!
Word verification: borksat. I give the bakery five minutes before somebody borksat cake no matter how clearly you write the instructions.
CREEPY!!
Mr. Bubbles and Mr. Monkey are in cahoots, aren't they...
I'm all for pro-chice but is the first one an abortion cake? Thats a little un-tasteful, literaly.
As for Clowns with chainsaws they do that at markoff's haunted forest (poolsville MD)for halloween i thought i had just gotten rid of those dreams... guess not, thanks jen!!
WV-Manche- Manche, I should not have checked the CW today hahahah