New Year's Diet Aid
January 21, 2010 Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?
No?
Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)
I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.
Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.
Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.
Feeling motivated yet?
I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. And...silk flowery.
(C'mon, bakers, really? Chocolate poo swirled icing AND strawberry syrup? Really?)I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.
Well, at least not chocolate sprinkles. Yech.
This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good.Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.
I am never eating blueberries again.Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?
- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today
RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!
Reader Comments (228)
the blueberries seriously look like someone swallowed the whole and then coughed them back up.... Ugh! I already hated blueberries, but this further cements that.... What is wrong with these people?!?!
Oh. My. God. These are the nastiest cakes ever posted here for SURE. The watery blueberries . . . the pubic hair . . . ugh. But my favorite is the decorator's interpretation of what happened to the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were expelled. Looks like it turned into a pretty rough neighborhood.
Liz in Seattle
Another vote to pleeeease bring back the full RSS feed!
*runs screaming*
See? Very effective. Not only do I not eat the cake, I get exercise running away from it!
Aaaaaaand there goes my lunch appetite!
Wow...you've shown some nasty cakes before, but this post literally made me vomit. Yuck City.
Some of the yuckiest wrecks ever.
Score!!
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little
Ew, is that last one supposed to be frog eggs or something?
WV: undiesp. Heh.
With the last one, I can see how it looks like caviar, but... my first thought was, "What the heck is in that petri dish?!"
Yum. Let's have science experiments for dessert. :P
Yep pretty sure I'm not going to want to eat anything for the rest of the day now.
Well this killed the cake craving, but now it's been replaced with a cupcake craving *goes off to look at bad CCC's*
Yuck, yuck, extra yuck.
Hi there,
I am very disappointed about you taking the full RSS feed down, I enjoy the quick break at work, without having to load the full page.
Am I the only one that thinks that those bluberries look like wet rabbit poop?!
WV: reealc; the sound you make when you hurl after seeing these cakes!
Booo on the RSS thieves.
I think the first cake is actually really well done. Look at the details of the forest! I bet it was done for a boy who has a snake. I could see boys who are SO tired of girly cakes with "blue flowers" for boys just diving into that one. I bet the boy told his mother she was the best mother ever!
Those cakes made me nauseous. I was eating a bowl of cereal and suddenly feel sick.
The first thing I thought when seeing the proctology cake was "What What In The Butt" and now I can't get that song out of my head!! (google it)
I Heart the rat poo cake. It's wrecky but FUNNY! My family has always had pet rats and I've worked with a local Rat rescue and adoption agency here recently. I think this cake would be great for one of their events!! I'll also have to remember that cake for my Sis's birthday. Rats are her favorite animal.
I gave you a Happy 101 award :) Thanks for your amazing cake posts!
www.sweetnpink.blogspot.com
xoxo
Sendingtheclowns: I've made one of those Litter Box Cakes before. I brought it to work for a Halloween party and it was a huge hit. Two of the guys were even fighting over the tootsie roll 'poo'!
I guess it just has to do with people's senses of humor and what they find gross. I actually don't think any of today's Wrecks gross. (What's gross to me are the preggo torsos and sonogram baby shower cakes. I cannot fathom why anyone would want a slice of C-Section cake!)
I've read your book.
I've read your blog.
I've never felt compelled to actually leave a comment until now:
That is the most epic bloody poop cake I have ever seen.
WOW.
Would everyone just shut up about the missing RSS feed? It's one extra click! And if you don't like it because you don't have access at work, shame on you for using work time to surf the web.
"A very public, hairy situation"
Didn't you mean to say "pubic"?! Heh.
You know, the hairy cake reminds me of the scene from "American Wedding." you know the one--when he shaves his privates and shakes the bath mat out the window, and the hair gets sucked in through the kitchen exhaust fan--all over the cake.
yum.
btw, I guess it's easier to eat the cake if you get a slice of it without having to see where it came from/what it looked like before.
Okay, this one takes the cake for me ... take my portion, please ... ugh! :-)
Those blueberries remind me of the Chinese pearl drink. The tapioca pearls that they add to the bottom of your beverage. Ha ha ha.
I'm thinking that colon surgery went really, really wrong.
wv- ungaffi: an attempt to take back a truly wrong-headed cake wreck.
pass the bucket.
::baaaaaaaaaaaaarf::
thanks, all bett... oh, wait, nope...
::huuuuurl::
I think... Oh. No. It just keeps happening!
Seriously some of the grossest cakes I've ever seen. Snot rocket blueberries. Yum.
Oh man, those are the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen. Even grosser than the poo cakes you featured not too long ago.
With some wrecks, I can see what the wreckerator was going for, with these? Not. A. Clue.
These will haunt my dreams, to be sure.
TheGoodbyeGirl
yikes! those are vile.
The top one looks like its used real stones, and its brown/black under the green.
the only saving grace was that the lice/pubes one was a very tiny picture :)
I adore this site, plus its somehow inspired me to try baking.
TGG
Guess no one ever told the wreckorator that "public hair should not be pubic." Or vice versa.
And has anyone ever ordered blueberry pancakes and they hand you plain pancakes covered in pie filling instead? That was only half as disgusting as that last cake, and I think that's really saying something.
Dawnspring: I am a professional decorator and have made my share of litter box cakes as well at customers' requests. If people stand around saying "Oh, gross...", then I know I've done my job of creating a realistic cake, and earned the money I was paid. There are rarely any leftovers, either :)
And in defense of decorators, while there is no excuse for a truly bad decorating job, we can't be held totally responsible for the content of cakes. We provide a service and while I might try to guide my customers in a better direction if their taste is questionable, they are ultimately paying me and they get what they want...even if it is a plastic rat and rat poo sprinkles :)
Irene
looking forward to you fixing your RSS feed. 'cause I just don't click through.
Truly disgusting display today; kudos! FYI, your photos are not showing up in my RSS feed; don't know if you made changes or not, but thought I'd let you know.
Good LORD! Did someone sneeze out those blueberries? I hope it's not the same person who had the giant bloody poop. Get thee to a physician, pronto.
The cutting off of the RSS feed makes me sad, as it was my favourite way of getting my daily dose of wreckage... but, ultimately, you've gotta do what's best for the site and for yourselves.
As to the wrecks... that second one looks kinda like a mutant, drooling toffee sponge...
The second cake looks very much like a treacle sponge pudding and they are scrumptious.
Add me to the list of people who don't particularly like having to click through to get to the page. I prefer the RSS feed because it is cleaner -- no background graphics, no sidebar graphics, no header graphics, no comments -- just the post content -- and that makes it easier to read and less likely to trigger a migraine.
As a dyed-in-the-wool New Englander, I have to say this. Those are not blueberries. Those are bloated, cultivated monstrosities. Blueberries are the size of peas and have more flavor than water. [/snob]
That said, I don't want to eat any of the other ones either. Well done, Jen.
WV: isold -- I'd have to say that the frosting on that snake cake isold.
Holy cow! ROF...the rat cake took the well...cake! YUCKCKCKCKCK
omg, this is some collection here.
love, love this blog. keep up the good and the disgusting coming. I do love those beautiful cakes and yes, I love those wrecks, too.
in this post, there was one 'l' (letter L) too much in 'public hair' - just to increase the yikes factor, y'all.
Wow...I just have no words. Okay, yes I do. WHAT were the poo cakes SUPPOSED to be? E-gad!
AmyM in NC
wow. The horror is almost too much for me to even comprehend right now.
@anonymous @ 11:08 AM
Calling Jen stupid is not cool. not cool at all.
@anonymous @ 11:54
Jen explained the RSS change in the post. Blame the thieves, not the authors. It's really not that difficult to open a browser page after you get the feed letting you know it is posted.
@all anonymi:
complaining and not signing your name is cowardly and reduces your credibility.
I thought the first was someone's idea of a cake for vegetarians - I see cauliflower and broccoli and a nice slice of red pepper. And loved the "man on the moon" cake!
Wait, will that mean that my bookmark will no longer work?
Ok, so i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who thought of anal beads when she saw the decoration around the ass cake.
Awww, Leslie.
I have pet rats and I thought the rat cake was cute. Why is it not as cute with a rattie? Admittedly, that's not a very cute fake rat. ;)
I made my old roomie cupcakes that were pink iced with pink sugar sprinkles topped with little sculpted marzipan rats! They were so cute. :)
*gag* Cake number is the exact reason why i hated (and still do) being forced to eat veggies during dinner
It's not often that I'm glad to be gluten-intolerant, and therefore unable to eat most cakes ...
Thanks for showing me the silver lining, Jen!