New Year's Diet Aid
Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?
No?
Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)
I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.
Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.
Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.
Feeling motivated yet?
I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.
Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.
Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?
- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today
RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!
Reader Comments (228)
Does that backside-hillside actually have "stickers" on the cake???? Really, people, really??
LOL @ Kelly and Tigerwolf
Meanwhile, I just double-clicked on the bundt, err, butt cake.
That IS a doctor about to take the plunge! looks like he's wearing a face mask and hair cap and possibly a stethoscope! I mean, it's "doctor blue," too, after all.
gross. tramp stamp stickers! ick
wv: messi--these cakes are very messi
Would someone kindly tell me what the red-covered poo is actually supposed to be?
No? You don't know, either?
Oh, well, then... glad I started my diet today!
You really should have put a note at the top discouraging viewers who are facing morning sickness. I'm about to lose it!
Pretty sure that's an Indiana Jones action figure (my son has this one) with a Breast Cancer Awareness flag taped to his sword standing on the ass. I have no words.
For some reason, this is like the fourth time in two days that I've seen that stupid "xx% of statistics are made up" joke.
Wow- some of these are simple... no, ALL of these cakes are simply gross! They are NOT funny, they would appeal to only extremely weird people and turn the rest of the guest's stomachs over! Seriously, who would order that and who would make that for someone? In good faith knowing my name goes out the door with that cake- I would never let a cake like those leave my bakery!
I LOVE the mouse poo cake! lol
You never fail to make me hurl. The cakes, I mean.
I'll never have cake again.
Glad I came here on an empty stomach. Gaaaaaaa!
Seriously BLEUAGHHHHHCH. The poo and the barfy blueberries were the worst.
that first cake is surely the gone off aftermath of a botched autopsy
- makes the poo and public hair cakes look almost edible
So. Glad. I. Skipped. Breakfast. Nuf. Said.
"A very public, hairy situation."
You, Ma'm, are EVIL. Pure EVIL. It's just EVIL to mess with our pristine little minds like that. EVIL, I tell you.
P.S. Do you give lessons?
I am betting some of these cakes were made by decorators who were told "You're fired...now finish up what you're doing, hand in your apron and get out!" And they thought "Oh I'll finish decorating alright...." Gotta be.
Many of your diet cakes have grossed me out, but I think this is the first post that actually made me queasy. Awesome.
I always tell my grandfather that 89% of statistics are made up on the spot. And so my train of thought has just allowed me to reframe the three dead mice I found in his garage last week (*shudder*) as 'the Chad Incident.'
So thanks, CW, you've helped me overcome a trauma today, believe it or not.
Only the header shows up in my Google Reader feed for this post, btw. Normally the whole post will show.
oh my goodness those are gross.
Todd Snyder fan, eh?
Chad is the name of a boy I didn't get along with in school at all, so from now on I'll picture sending him this cake and smile...
Remind me to never, ever read this blog on my lunch break again. Not good...notttt goooooood.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, and I'm not trying to lose weight (I need to, desperately), but I may not eat for a week now.
I thought I had a fairly strong stomach when it comes to cake (yum!) but the hairy one and that last frogspawn affair have finally made me queasy.....they just beg the question WHY?
WV:Spidson - who spidson dese cakes?
Ugh, the blueberries look like frog eggs! Also, with the hairy cake, it reminded me of a situation in high school where I was reading about pubic hair and misread it "public hair." Conversely, I misread "public" in the hairy cake description.
New Year's Diet Aid: 60% of the time it works every time.
I honestly guffawed then stopped, guffawed then stopped between a couple of the cakes. Hilarious and horrifying as I scrolled down. Wow. Just wow.
The blueberry cake is the MOST HORRIFYING CAKE I've ever seen on this blog. Seriously. I keep choking back the bile thinking about it. UGGGGHHH!
Ugh. I have the flu today... I'm really, really glad I hadn't attempted to eat before I came here!
WHAT is that red swirl supposed to be on the snake cake? Is it... is it... the result of flattening the snake?
I'm going back to bed.
I can't make up my mind which one is most disgusting!
Why, oh why, is the "dirty bottom" cake surrounded by a string of pearls??
Did you intentionally make it impossible to read your posts via rss reader? All your feed shows is post titles now and no posts. I hope not because you'll lose this reader if so. And likely many others. :(
all I can think of upon viewing CW3 is: "I climbed your ass." What's weirder is that the "climber" has a flag with one of those charity ribbons on it...that seems to be... black?
Ok srsly, I may bookmark this and look at it when I get late night munchies. That 2nd one looked like it was iced with boogers OH god I'm going to hurl...
My two year old looking at this with me said "yuck" and "blah" at every cake--even little ones understand the yuckyness of this post!!
Today's entries were particularly gross!! Keep them coming! I'll visit the site whenever I have a sweets craving. This stuff will curb it for sure.
I shake my head incredulous at some of them...
Okay, the bloody poo cake is disgusting.
And I too, thought you left the "l" out of "public"..
Ugh
Amy B-H
That *moist* 2nd cake really did me in O_o. GAH! It reminds me of Peter Pan where Cap'n Hook is trying to poison the lost boys by leaving a cake out in the rain...
EW.
Those are some of the most disgusting creations I have ever seen. And I saw it right before lunch. GAck! Diet started.
Wow thanks for nothing, I love cake but these make me not want any for a while!!
That was bad. Like really, really bad.
wv: harbers. I now harbers bad feelings toward slimey, spinach-y, butt-cakes.
Wow.
I mean...
WOW.
I think I need therapy now.
Yep. I am seriously disturbed by those images.
-RosieLB
Speaking (overandoverandover) of "poo," I need to ask: Has anyone here NOT seen at least one of the hundreds of renditions of a "LITTER BOX CAKE"?
If not, Google it, then buckle up and hold onto your gag reflex, because they are unbelievable. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of trying to describe them...they are sure to turn guests into party poopers in a whiz.
Go on, look it up~~I dare ya.
>^ee^<
Yes please, make sure we can see your posts through our RSSreaders. It may be a only a little extra step we have to take, but it's one extra steps I refuse to take with other sites. I don't want to have to give up on CW too!
Julie McMahon
Not only is the butt cake "personalized" with paper tattoos, it looks for all the world like the decorator put a bunch of moles all over ON PURPOSE! It might just be a really sloppy fondant job, but that's not what it looks like...
i'm nauseous. wow.
The old-man-ass cake is so bad.
I love the little doctor about to jump in to the...umm...err...'great beyond'.
O.M.G. I just had fresh blueberries for breakfast; I'm not sure they aren't about to make an, umm, reappearance. :( I seriously didn't think it was possible to make blueberries look disgusting! Wow. Just... these cakes are..... wordfail!
Those blueberries look like frog spawn. blergh.
Has anyone heard the song "We praise the colorectal surgeon"? Seems fitting today...