Mixed Grill
May 25, 2009 It's Memorial Day, and as every red-blooded American knows, there is only one nationally accepted way to demonstrate your sense of patriotic pride in the men and women who have sacrificed for this country. One which involves fire, hunks of raw meat, and at least one guy in a "kiss the chef" apron cursing out the blippity bleepin' starter switch on the filth flarnin' grill.
That's right: It's barbecue time, baby.
Is this creative? Sure. Appetizing? Not so much. It looks like a giant half-cooked hamburger with steak and shish kabab'ed Elmo fingers on it. [shudder] Great, now I gave myself the willies.
Speaking of shish kababs, here's the "cheater-cheater-plastic-eater" version:
[shaking head] Til the end of time, Wreckerators will be trying - and failing - to make circles out of cupcakes. What's the definition of insanity again?
And here's one with the oh-so-authentic chalky briquette look:
Ah, there's nothing like leprous-looking cupcakes to get the ol' saliva glands going!
Some bakeries are breaking down the two main components of the grilling experience. See, while this next one may look like a penned-in bunch of baboon butts, you can tell by the "GRILLIN'" sticker that it's actually a grill:
Huh. Thank goodness for stickers, is all I can say.
Oh, and here's the raw, malformed lump that goes on it! Yum!
Now there's some bloody good fun, eh, guv'na? Jolly good, pip pip, and all that. (Hey, I've read Wodehouse
Shannon S., Amy J., Joanna C., & Nichole H., I'm suddenly inspired to find a doll on a grill, just so I can write the caption "Barbie on the barbie". Unless one of you knows a girl named Barbie? You could even turn the grill off, if you like.
UPDATE: Ask, and ye shall receive:
Barbie on the barbie!
Reader Comments (116)
In defense of the mega roast cake (not *implying* that it NEEDS defending, of course), I'd like to say that I think its creator did a pretty good job of marbling the fat.
And of achieving a fairly realistic-looking shade of bloody, raw, red meat.
Why, they could have graded it (grade A prime sitting cake roast) and sold it by the pound as a MANAGER'S SPECIAL.
You know, for the cookout thingy...what's that called? Oh, yeah: it's a GRIL.
Those last two made my kids cry.
Oh yay, just what I always wanted. A cake with skewered centipedes on it. *shudder*
These cakes remind me of the cakes I saw in the grocery store Saturday. While there weren't any grills, there was the hamburger cake, and since I live in Maryland, cakes in the shape of crabs, which were actually kind of cute. There were also cakes shaped like a watermelon with a butterfly on it, but it still looked like Kermit's STD.
The cakes are gross, but seeing the word "flarnin'" in use makes me smile.
As we say in Trinidad - Uh Geed!
Absolutely the last cake I would ever, ev0r, eat -- or want to look at for that matter.
I think I don't understand why cakes this literal are made.
Brianna M.
Ooo, that first one has little fallopian tubes on a stick, and a liver on the right, yum.
But the pink things behind bars look like ovaries......or is that just me?
Thanks for the Brit terms, it's a great help to us and makes me feel at home.
Tah, everso.
baboon bums lol hahahahah omg....sprfff goes the tea all over the keyboard....
hahahah gee-ross.
Although I do admit the elmo finger shrimps are kinda cute.
Cake flavoured meat, how about cake shaped meat?
http://www.blackwidowbakery.com/demo/meatcake/
"Elmo fingers" "Leprous cupcakes" "baboon butts". HAHAHAHAA!! Best ever.
Disgusting. Seriously.
What. Are. People. Thinking?
Ugh...the last two really turned my stomach.
You're so dang hilarious! And now I feel like watching Bill Cosby after that filth-flarn reference!
I really like the charcoal cupcake one...attractive in a very distant sense--until one realizes it is supposed to be eaten
Penned-in bunch of baboon butts!!!! That's the funniest thing you've ever said, and that takes some doing. And you were right. Hee hee. Love the post.
that malformed lump looks more like a malformed rump!
Meat cake: http://www.blackwidowbakery.com/demo/meatcake/
I *so* want to make one.
It's the first time that I'm looking at cakes (even cake disasters) and I feel like barfing...
Elmo fingers?
ELMO FINGERS???!!!!!!!!
You are the funniest person on the planet.
The baboon butts might more properly be identified by Ree Drummond as calf nuts. (thepioneerwoman.com)
Seriously.
That's what they are
And now I'm a vegetarian who won't eat meat OR cake! Thanks a lot!:)
Ah, what a shame to reference the Master in the same breath as these wrecks (but somehow fitting, I'd have to admit)
My favorite Wodehouse-ism is a little apt: "He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. "The Code of the Woosters (1938)
Nice grill wrecks there. Do you think that the wreckerators in question have just never heard of a round cake pan? Wouldn't that make a circle easier that a bunch of cupcakes? hmm.
Those "shrimp" on the first one look like silverfish.
*shudder* I hate silverfish.
ugh....
prob the best cake wrecks post I've read YET! Bwahhhhaaaaaa! almost makes me want to give up meat
Maybe its just me, but that last one reminds me of the movie Kung Pow, where he punches the giant circular plug of flesh out of one of the bad guys. It looks like someone took a cake pan and pushed it through a cow! I keep thinking "shouldn't there be organs and bone? I mean look at it, its still moving!!" Heheheh
"Grillin" looks like seething mass of Alien eggs under a sewer grating! My mouth is watering!
So Jen, let's count: you're into Stargate Atlantis, all things Disney, Eddie Izzard, The Princess Bride, AND PG Wodehouse, and you're hella funny to boot. I am pretty sure you're like my ideal BFF. I mean that's only the short list of things I love that you have recently referenced. way to be awesome!
Congratulations Jen, you have finally found something for which this is an appropriate reaction: OMGWTFBBQ?!
sendingtheclowns said You know, for the cookout thingy...what's that called? Oh, yeah: it's a GRIL.
And congratulations to sendingtheclowns for finding an occasions for which "it a gril!" is an appropriate sentiment.
Re: Barbie on the barbie...check out the music video for Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun". It has a rather interestingly satisfying scene of a Barbie doll melting on a grill. :D
Why is it even possible to buy plastic shish-kebabs?
How wide a market can the producers of those possibly have?
Hey....it a grill!!
OH man i hate CCC's... why do they even bother...
WOW...icky to the max!!! The baboon butt cake looks like caged moose testicles to me. Or at least the testicles of some humungous animal. Gross.
Ya know, I love BBQ'd steak. Slap a slab of bloody red meat on the grill for me anytime. But the last one had me swallowing hard. Repeatedly. It's quite impressive on some points, really. The wrecker has really pulled off a realistic looking meat cake there. Nice fat marbling, effective steak-shape mimicry, but the thickness proportion is a little off. I personally have never seen a steak that thick. Ever. Even as a roast, it's still massive.
Bluck! is all I can say...
I would rather my cake NOT look like a huge slab of dead animal. Ew. I'm not even vegetarian or anything. But EW.
I wonder if the last one has raspberry filling.....
To anonymous who said: "See, it's times like these that I have to wonder who doesn't like cake looking like cake and has to be enticed to eat it by shaping it like something else. I mean, I can understand kids (or adults) not liking a vegetable unless it's hidden in something yummy, but cake? If you can't like cake as is by itself, then, well, I feel sorry for you."
Cake decorating is an art form where cake and icing are the medium. The whole thrill of it all is the theory that you can make ANYTHING out of it and we, as artists, want to see just how far that theory can go. The unfortunate part is that the medium is so readily accessible to the wrong hands. Hence we end up with cake wrecks!
Babboon butts..LMAO OMG what the hell is with the grillin stuff..gross
I actually saw a hamburger cake at my local grocery store on Saturday, and I soooo badly wanted to take a picture of it - the bun actually looked moldy! But as fate would have it, it was the first time in weeks that I didn't have my camera with me, and the camera on my cell phone would not have done it justice. It was awful!
Eeeeeeeeeeeew. Now I'm feeling ill. UCK. These are strange, disgusting and nauseating. What were they thinking?!?!?!
I still don't understand cupcake cakes. At all.
And people order these specifically? ("I'd like a cake shaped like a trilobite with the inscription 'Dig Here, Dig Now' but make it out of 17 cupcakes.")
Too cheap to order a cake that feeds 18? Too lazy to do the math? Scarred by having run out of cake at a previous function and thus resorting to the 1 cupcake per guest rule?
There's just something wrong about a cake that looks like meat.
Um. 0_0
Really, there are no words. Except maybe "No, I'm not staying for cake."
meat cake!!!
http://www.fantagraphics.com/index.php?page=shop.browse&category_id=316&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=62&vmcchk=1&Itemid=62
Thanks for dredging up all those miserable, half-buried childhood memories, for I am, alas and alack, Barbie. Have been since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. And since my sister worships your blog, I'm sure she'll snort sweet tea out her nose when she reads this one. 'preciate that. Cheerio.
Barbie
Who would buy these cakes? A serial killer?!?
And that one TOTALLY looks like baboon butts~HAAAAHHHAAAHHH!!!
It a gril!